I'm all I ever think about. If you haven't already noticed from all my rambles, they're literally all about me. About me developing myself, about how I'm worried about this aspect of myself. This blog is meant to be a reflection of my thoughts, and so far they're all about me. I'm even writing a post about how self obsessed I am right now.
I consume my own brain. Every action I make is based on what I want to do, or what I think other people will think of me. That factors in a lot. I guess self obsessed people care more about what other people think of them, because they're also worried about what they think of themselves.
I can't even think of a single other thing to think about that doesn't involve myself. Every friendship, every person I think about, it's all in relation to me. Every story, movie, TV show, it's in relation to what I think and what I'll tell. So what else is there to think of in life, besides more worldly situations which I'm sad to say I don't think of all that often.
And I have that feeling sometimes, where I'm so excited about what I want to say, or I relate someone else's story to one of my own, and I don't really listen to what they're saying. I mean, I find what others have to say interesting, but I always relate it back to myself. And I feel like I always talk about myself in a way. That must be irritating. And here I am again thinking about what they think of me, not feeling sorry that I've irritated them with my self obsession.
It's not that I'm self confident or anything. There's a huge difference between being self confident and being self obsessed. In fact, it's so much harder to be self confident when you're thinking about yourself all the time, with every negative trait consuming your mind.
I always want to make myself better, and I guess that's good in a way, but I reckon I just need to stop thinking about myself as much and be content. Just redirect everything outward, to the world around me, and think about what's going on, without myself being in relation to it. Now that sounds beautiful, and kinda impossible.
I'm also wondering though, whether everyone else is just as self obsessed. I mean, they must think about themselves for a considerable amount of time as well. Maybe they're just more compassionate and interested in other people. Or maybe their identity and actions are filling their minds as well. Am I normal or selfish? And how do I fix what I am? Oh look I'm talking about myself again.
I think I should try the outward redirection thing. It's time to try focusing on everything outside myself, and appreciate it a little. As a person, I think I'm fine.