I'm not sure if inspired is the right word here. I just want to create.
I've been thinking about writing a book - not a make-believe dream situation teen book, but something a little more sophisticated. I want to create an accurate depiction of life, of the different types of people I've met in mine, and what I know about social interaction. I want to create something a little more real.
I've always been a diary keeper, someone who likes recording memories in every shape and form. I have endless piles of notebooks filled with life artefacts both significant and useless. I'm currently keeping two types of diaries - one filled with questions and one filled with rambles - but I want to start another one, some time. I want one of those plain books filled with exactly 365 plain pages. I want to choose one photo a day, from any part of my daily life, anything partially significant, and have one photo from each day for an entire year straight. Wouldn't that be an ultimate memory bank? A picture is worth a thousand words, is it not?
I haven't drawn lately. Looking through my sketch book, there's an awful lot of lead pencil and only a little half hearted colouring. The aesthetics are all wrong. I want something less clean cut, less fangirl. I want to create something more arty and abstract, but real all at the same time. I've liked contours lately. And eyes. Eyes are my favourite part of the human body. I want to draw more eyes - to capture the light or turn them into jagged thick black lines, like mascara gone wrong.
I haven't read much lately either. At the moment I'm rereading a fantasy book from back in the day. I only chose it because the main character has the same name as me, to be honest. I don't understand how I could find the book 'cute' or 'capturing', but instead I now admire the world the author has painted. Looking at it, I want to create my own little world.
I've really liked hyphens lately. My friend uses them in her texts, a history teacher in her emails, my English teacher in her English. I never thought of alternate uses of punctuation. I never realised that you can literally write however you want in whichever order you want, as long as you punctuate everything thoughtfully.
Looking around my room now, I see a mess - crooked canvases, scattered uniforms, falling sticky notes, scrambled skin products, and a string of polaroids from last summer. On my door hangs an excruciating 2D drawing from when I was nine, and a variety of quotes from when I was twelve and attempting to be tumblr. This room needs remaking.
Sitting on my bed amongst the soft zebra-print sheets, facing my reflective glasses, unequally parted straight hair and oversized tourist shirt in the mirror, makes me feel like writing for some reason. My ugly black monster of a laptop is unbalanced on top of the sheets, taking a break from the countless episodes I've been streaming.
I'm getting a new laptop soon, a MacBook Air. I've wanted one for a long time now. It'll sure be prettier than what I'm looking at now. Maybe it'll motivate me to write more, because I like the idea of sitting in bed, writing something deep with a pretty laptop, even if it's all just a mess of words with no meaning.
It's too bad school is both hard and important, and Netflix is ruining my life. I simply have no time to create.