Wednesday, 27 June 2018

Who wants to be Carrie Bradshaw?

Let me break down the last few months for you: First up, the only television shows I've been consuming are Love Island Australia (If you're from Australia and haven't seen an episode you're probably lying.  Also, Erin is my favourite) and Sex and the City.  And then on top of that, the last eight weeks of my life have been spent learning about conception and babies.  Do you see a common theme here?  Basically, all I've really been conditioned to be thinking about, I guess, are love and sex and boys.

But to be honest, this has got me thinking, when haven't I been obsessing over some boy?  Since I was 15, I've always spent my moments of mental down time daydreaming about someone.  I've always let them be what I was most excited for in my week, or month, or whenever I would next see them.  That's not to say it was constant unhealthy obsessive crushes.  In fact, it was more like 2-3-5 crushes all at the same time.  It was just constant flirtation with the idea of what could be.  What my break down is, is perhaps I was bored and had nothing better to think about than boys.  Maybe that's just a me thing, or maybe it's not.

Watching Sex and the City I hear Carrie Bradshaw and her friends talk about their boyfriends all the time.  They're always thinking about them, having their lives revolve around them.  I even remember in one episode Carrie saying to Mr. Big, "You're all I think about.  Everyday."  I mean, come on girls, surely there's more to life than finding a boyfriend.  But then, these women are all relatively successfully living their dream.  Carrie's a glamorous writer who goes to glamorous parties all the time.  Miranda's a successful lawyer in the most traditional sense.  Yet both women still obsess over their loneliness.  Are all women like this?

And it's not as simple as curing your loneliness by finding a boyfriend.  We can't just find a boyfriend.  We have to overanalyse, especially at 18.  Those successful either found love on Tinder or were "tuning" for months and months.  You think people are dating, but instead they describe it as "getting there", of which I do approve.  But "getting there" or even before "getting there", there are a million thoughts running through your head, and through your mouth over brunch with a girlfriend, about whether he's right.

Do I actually like him or do I like the attention?

Is it lust or is it love?

Do I see myself marrying him one day or is it just for fun?  Because if it's just for fun, I shouldn't be wasting my time.

Is he too wholesome?

Do I want to hoe around instead?  I mean, this is the age for it.

Never put all your eggs in one basket, unless you're dating him.

Dating him would mean foregoing the attention of other boys.

Being single is just part of my identity, though.

Am I too young to be considerate of someone else?

In our final lecture of the semester, we learnt that while boys may think with their *****, girls are turned on with love and affection.  Girls inherently, scientifically, want a boy who will kiss them on the forehead, who will pull them in close while walking on the sidewalk, who will offer their jacket or buy them flowers, just because they care.  Scientifically, girls just want a boy who actually cares.  So what does this mean, socially?  Does this mean that girls feel lonelier than boys when single?  Does this mean that girls care more?  Does this mean that while boys may enjoy that sneaky kiss in the club, girls, in actuality, do not enjoy it at all, and are potentially only enjoying it as a social construct?  So maybe girls are thinking about boyfriends more than boys are thinking about girlfriends, which isn't such a good arrangement if you ask me.

But here I am, always having been seen as the future "forever alone career woman", whether by myself or my Facebook meme tagging friends.  When you're feeling independent (or defensive) there's something empowering about saying you're work focused, that you don't have time for relationships or children or family (even though of course I'd love to have this white picket fence dream become a reality.  This is why that lecture about your eggs drying out at 35 scared me, and every other girl in the room, so much).  Throughout the final years of high school, whether out of fear or self-preservation, my motto was always "cute boys will distract you from that 99 final mark".  And while I don't actually want to be the "forever alone career woman", it'd be nice to stop thinking about boys all the time.  They really are distracting.

So, no.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to be Carrie Bradshaw.  There's something pathetic about thinking about boys all the time, and I firmly believe that the right person will hang out with you and care enough to kiss you on the forehead and pull you close just because he wants to.  But then again, I'm 18 and Carrie's hitting the egg freezing 35.  I have time.

Love,
M





ALSO SIDE NOTE: I changed my blog name back.  I think I have a soft spot for nostalgia and continuing this blog exactly as was when I made it at 15.

1 comments:

  1. BOYS. I couldn't relate to this post more. I always laugh and roll my eyes at myself because, I too, always seem to have a crush and then go into the huge cycle of doubts and end up thinking the right person will come along at the right time. I loved watching sex in the city. It also made me realize how obsessed I was.

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