Sunday, 1 January 2017

1st of the 1st

January number 1 - what else could this post be?  As I just wrote in my diary, this day marks the end of living in torturous hazy bliss each day, and the beginning of working towards something.  I've decided to spend a good chunk of today reflecting and looking forward, because as of the last few months I have thought of nothing but fashion, money and how people perceive me.  New year, clear head, right?

January - Gelato in Italy!!!
Looking back at 2016, well, it feels as if 2015 may as well have not existed.  It was a year of complete metamorphosis, in both myself and my day-to-day life.  Reading over last year's resolutions, I feel as if I have completed every single one except for "be nicer to people".  If anything, I have been meaner to people, becoming more condescending and less empathetic.  Perhaps that is something to acknowledge and work on coming into 2017.

February - on a hike that feels so long ago
With a perpetually dazed mind, it is incredibly difficult to look back at 2016 and remember any progress in particular.  

With growing confidence, for the first time I was doubting and seeing flaws in other people, and suddenly their desperation for attention and approval seemed so pathetic.  But, at the same time, I was adopting more of this desperation myself.

With growing confidence, I began to take pride in my appearance, starting with hair, then clothes and finally makeup.  

The quantity of friends I have depleted drastically, but the quality of those stuck with me increased dramatically.  And, for once, I feel as if I don't need anybody else.  They make me feel special, and that can only be a good thing.

March - the 'cousins' spend a day at a farm
Freedom came in the form of understanding that milestones don't have a time limit.  Freedom came in the form of independence and driving.  Freedom came in the form of realising that a person has layers, and that you don't have to put yourself in a box and act accordingly for people to comprehend you.  In fact, you don't have to stick yourself in a box for you to comprehend you.

April - Riding a bike around the lake

New year's eve was spent on a plane from Japan to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.  With massive headaches, we watched the clouds zoom past on our descent into humid weather.  At midnight in Australia we were eating a massive buttery roti tissue in a hawker shop with no walls, followed by Baskin Robbins on the 31st.  And at midnight in Malaysia my sister and I pulled our beds together, listening to the fireworks exploding above while watching Bon Jovi sing to Katherine Heigl in New Year's Eve.

May - took these pics in this jacket because I felt so supah cool

And now, here we have it.  2017 is spread wide in front of us, and here are my resolutions:

Lay off social media

This has been a terrible problem for me that must've snuck up at some point in 2016.  I spend 3 hours on average on my phone each day, according to the app Moment, and while this may not be awful, it is unacceptable and unhealthy to me.  Enough external approval... it's time to have a little mystery.

June - candid photo waiting for N2 ice-cream
Be more appreciative of my friends

Sometimes I forget that I have them because I know they'll be there, unconditional of the way I act towards them.  It's time to show them a little more gratitude and do something for their benefit once in a while.  It's a lot more worthwhile to spend my time on my phone catching up with them than stalking strangers on Instagram or replying to "streaks".

July - at an art gallery
Be happy for others

Enough with the twinge of jealousy every time something good happens to someone.  Enough with the excuses as to why what they have couldn't possibly matter.  Enough with the grasping at every other thing I have that they don't.  It's okay to acknowledge that what they have, they deserve in every which way.  It's okay to acknowledge that these things can only be good.  They say that you know you're happy with yourself when you become happy for others, and perhaps that's the first step in completing this resolution.

August - my first ever concert
Be confident despite my appearance

Makeup or no makeup, hair up or hair out, contacts or glasses - no matter what, I want to be able to hold that same level of confidence.  I want to be able to speak to people, still feel like an accomplished, confident girl, even with my hair up, glasses on and face bare.  I don't want it to be necessary for me to look great every single day.  Even when ugly, my personality should shine through.

September - eating cake

Stop looking up to people who don't matter

And this is where my desperation for approval needs to end.  There are select people I barely know who I think are awesome.  They'll be beautiful or accomplished, and every time I encounter them at my best, I'll feel a sense of pride and happiness.  If they're in the same room, I'll claw my way into making a good impression the same way you would if they were your crush, and it's downright stupid.  Those who matter are those who make their way into my life naturally, not because I have some sick need to make them notice me as much as I notice them.

October - candid photo waiting for the light rail

Be less shallow

While it is easier to portray yourself outwardly and only judge people skin-deep, we are so much more than that.  It's time I work on what's inside as well as out.  Just because other people don't know something about you, doesn't mean it's not true.  

In 2017 I would like to work on realising that I am not the only person in the world and seeing other people's needs.  Better late than never.  
I would like to be more grateful of my family, even though I may not show it.  
I would like to explore my own morals rather than blindly believe those of others.
I would like to actively learn new things unnecessarily rather than shun those who do.  It's time to educate myself.

November - picnic at the beginning of summer
Work hard for myself 

We don't achieve things so we can yell it out at the world.  We don't work towards something just because it's what society deems as "successful".  We work towards the kind of lifestyle we want, whether in the short term or long term.  Whatever makes us happy.  This year I would like to work my butt off in my final year of school - but I'm doing it for myself, uninfluenced by anyone else.

December - birthday

Here's to 2017.  Happy new year!
Love,
M

7 comments:

  1. Love love love. I literally relate so hard to things in this post... these goals are awesome, and I love the rawness of them. Wishing you all the best in the coming months!!
    xx
    Steph

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hope that you have a great 2017! I really like your resolutions, I think they have a lot of depth to them, and that they are very important goals.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You have such amazing resolutions that are well-thought out-- stop looking up to people who don't matter is something I constantly struggle with, but I want to make an effort on trying to improve. I hope you have a Happy New Year, M!

    xoxo Morning

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great post, M! ♥ Happy 2017!

    ReplyDelete
  5. These resolutions are far more enjoyable to read than the usual ones I get spammed with (lose weight, all that jazz). :') But seriously, it's great that you are set out to improve yourself and your attitude towards others. I think many of us tend to misinterpret the advice "be who you are" as "don't change" - but sometimes change is good!

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Work hard for myself" aah these four words literally landed in me with angels singing.Hope your having an amazing 2017!xoxo

    ReplyDelete