Monday, 15 August 2016

Self Absorbed

I feel as if I'm trapped inside this cloud of I's.  I I I I me me me me... the first person pronoun is swimming in the air around me; it's my whole world - and what I want to find out is if I'm the only one.  Is everyone else just as self absorbed as I seem to be?  Or is it just me?  Or is it just this generation?

Us girls we love taking selfies.  Even if we don't post them, I can assure you, each one of us has a section of our camera roll filled with maybe twenty selfies taken on one good day?  Maybe we found good lighting or decided to do our makeup for once.  Either way, we're enamoured by our appearance.  I mean, just look at the majority of Facebook profile pictures, or Instagram feeds full of selfies and more selfies.  But is this a bad thing?  Is this a sign of self confidence and appearance appreciation, or does it just show how vain we are?

And what about social media?  We're creating profiles to showcase ourselves, to effectively create a brand.  Like me, follow me - is external validation another way to feed our self absorption?  And I don't know about you, but I know that I stalk myself more than I stalk all other people put together.  Social media is this surreal, addictive world of narcissism, and when you sit back and think about it for a while, the reasons we have behind everything we do online are absurd.

It's not only online though... think about what happens when you talk to people.  Are you more concerned about what you say, or about what they're saying?  When they talk, are you busy thinking of your response, or are you actually listening?  How much do you talk about yourself?  I know that I fail in the selfless aspect of every one of these questions.  How did I appear today?  Do they like me? Do they?  Oh what I said there was so stupid.  This entire train of thought is stupid.

There's this girl who seems all cutesy and dog-loving and funny and all that, but lately I've gotten a little irritated every time she tells a story about some funny failure she had, or when she butts into a conversation and diverts it to being about herself.  She seems to over-dramatise everything for the sake of attention.  Like, you know those people who say they love something cute like Disney Channel and suddenly it becomes on the verge of an obsession and they're buying merchandise and continuously posting snapchat stories and diverting conversations so they can laugh about it and act all cute?  Or those people who, when they have nothing else to say, say things like "I'm dying" or "I'm having one of those days", and it happens almost every day.  Well, she does all these things  What worries me though, is that while I'm sitting here being annoyed by her, I'm prone to doing the exact same thing.  I'm prone to wanting to look a certain way and diverting conversations to myself and overdramatising things for the sake of attention.  A lot of people are.  Have people always been like this?

And then there's the whole inner self worth thing as well.  The other day we were discussing this girl who blatantly changes topics so that she can boast about how smart she is, or all the co-curriculars she excels at - and the question came up as to why she does that.  Sometimes having a big ego is a good thing, because it makes you feel as if you don't need other people.  You become immune to that feeling of exclusion and missing out, if only because you think you're too good for everyone else.  Maybe being self absorbed is another way of coping emotionally in society.

But when you stop thinking about how you're going to wear your hair tomorrow, what the next story you're going to tell is, or how hipster you are; you have more time to listen to other people's stories, read a book maybe, appreciate this thing we call the Olympics.  I've just been getting really distracted with all these really self-focused thoughts lately, and it's been detrimental to how big this bubble I live in is.  Right now it's very freaking small, and I think I needed to write this post to remind myself that it's time to expand it.

Love,
M

13 comments:

  1. You are unlike so many people our age, brilliant and intelligent. You can acknowledge the fact that sometimes we can be selfish but that we need to change.

    This post is very inspiring. It's made me reflect on how I have been acting lately. M, the world is huge and we are a small part of it, learning and seeing. Take time to yourself when you need it and take the time to focuson others.

    You are truly lovely. Don't be too hard on yourself.

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    1. Thank you for this comment, Vanessa!! I'm glad you're absorbing more of your surroundings now. I hope I've done so too.

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  2. Just gonna say now that this is a kick-ass post. Instantly connected with this, and I have to say anyone reading this is more than likely going to take a moment to self reflect. It honestly does feel like a world of self promotion sometimes, and it can be toxic. I just hope that we can take moments, like you so gracefully and brilliantly have done, to re-shift our focuses, stay true to our ideas and awareness around others. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️❤️

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    1. All this self promotion really sweeps you in, doesn't it? Like, because everyone else is building their personal brand, you start to do so too just to compete and exist in this world. It definitely is important to step away for a second, or at least be aware of it all. Thank you for your comment, Stephanie!

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  3. I agree that we've become self-absorbed individuals, craving attention and wanting the spotlight, but the real question here is, Is that bad?
    I feel like it is better than self-loathing, where you shy away from attention, refuse to share stories and become nervous the moment the spotlight is on you.
    Self-loathing does leave you with a lot of free time to think or read maybe, like you said, but it destroys you. In ways worse than self-absorbent behaviour does.
    Being self-absorbent may come across as insensitive or annoying to others, but it does make YOU feel good. And isn't that what life is about? Feeling good?
    I wouldn't be so vain as to advocate self-indulgence, but of the two, self-loathing and self-obsession, I'd say the latter is the lesser evil.

    Love,
    Saee
    Sojourning Skies

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    1. I absolutely LOVE this comment!! Self-loathing is a terrible terrible thing that causes you to miss out on human experiences and happiness, and being a whole person really. In comparison, being self absorbed is of course the better option. I think it definitely is great to love yourself and as a result, become a happier person with a lot more self worth and confidence, but I still think you can take it way too far. It is possible to love yourself as well as take in everything that happens around you - with an interest in other people and events that may not have anything to do with yourself.

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  4. You are a very smart individual, M.
    I completely agree with everything you've said, and relate to it so much after a weekend in which I (admittedly) spent obsessing over my instagram feed.

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    1. Ah those weekends or days are the worst. You're stalking and staring and planning, and at the end of it all you're wondering where all the hours have gone and what the hell you've done with your life. Thank you Jordan!

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  5. Love your blog!
    http://pyrramidblog.blogspot.co.uk/

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  6. You write so well, true deep meaning between the lines!

    Meme xx

    New Post:
    Domestic Abuse | It Happens To Bloggers To

    www.thedayinthelifeof.co.uk

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  7. It can be difficult to find the balance between yourself and others. I read the book Just Listen by Sarah Dessen (books influence me a lot) and it made me think about the idea of listening to what others say. I do have a habit of maybe talking about myself, but I'm the kind of person who worries about talking about themselves and turns the conversation around to focus on the other person or a shared memory. Which I think is a good thing. It's so hard to find the balance between yourself in a vain way or a confidence boosting way.

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