Friday, 17 June 2016

What to do What to do

I've been watching a lot of movies lately; from Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging to Now You See me 2 to Magic Mike.  Honestly, now that testing week is over, I just have so much time - and it's great.

You see, ever since I diverted my attention to studying, I've foregone a lot of other things I used to find important.  I stopped working out, my diary is looking awfully sparse because I didn't seem to have time for emotions, and I just haven't been doing anything different, anything remotely creative.  And the thing is, even though my last test was over a week ago, I still haven't been doing any of these things.

I've been reading a lot of to-do lists random people have written for themselves online.  You know, I used to be one of those people.  I would set myself projects and have ideas bursting from all corners of my head.  Now I've become one of those unproductive people who doesn't seem to have anything. I haven't been working out, or writing in my diary, or having any real emotions to be honest - and I can't figure out if that's good or bad.  I mean, in a way it's good because it means I can focus on something else other than being worried or sad or whatever, but what exactly should I focus on?

Honestly, if I'm not with other people, I don't know what to do with myself.  I spend a lot of time watching TV or aimlessly going on social media just waiting for something interesting to pop up, or even playing that game slither.io, which is very very addictive, and something I would never have even opened had it not been for my utter need to do something.

When did I become so dependent and boring?

So lately I've been thinking - maybe I should write a story.  I'm always thinking up random scenarios in my head that would probably never happen, and that's what writing is for, right?  It's about creating something exaggerated, a world where everything is right, or interesting.  I just don't understand how some people manage to write books that aren't fantasies or imaginable, but are just good - like portraying an accurate analysis of human behaviour while teaching the reader valuable lessons good - and how are these books also so well written?  I would love love love to write something like that, but I just don't know how.  I guess I could try, right?

I've also decided to try eating new stuff everywhere I go.  I mean, I've always been a foodie, so why not make it official to myself?  I want to try all the new restaurants; especially cafes.  I love cafes.  Not even just that though.  I want to order something new in all the places I have been.  I've realised that I pretty much like all types of pasta, and I've pretty much tried all the best foods at Chinese restaurants since I never choose which dishes come to the table anyway.  So let's go back to cafes for a moment.  I want to try all the random avocado dishes, and all the egg ones, and all the sandwiches.  I also want to eat some pepper lunch, and some burgers, and some yoghurt muesli stuff, and some French toast with bacon.

The only problem here is that I absolutely do not want to work out.  It's been so cold lately and I can feel my winter fat building a layer around me, but I'm okay for now.  The idea of doing any running or any resistance work makes me cringe with dread.  Once I've stopped, and I've eaten a lot, I can't start again... and that makes me marginally worried.

Also, when did people stop striving to be better, to be nicer?  Like honestly, nowadays people relish in the idea of being mean as long as they're superior.  "I hate everyone."  How many times have you heard people say that, because I've been hearing it way too often lately.  It's like people just want to be negative.  They want to seem nonchalant all the time - going on their phones or pretending to forget stuff that they clearly remember.  And being surrounded by all this obviously does impact you. It's like society doesn't care about being a good person anymore, and maybe something else I should do is fight that need to trump superiority over decency.

And I guess that's my longwinded version of a to-do list for now.  How can I be less lazy?

Love,
M

14 comments:

  1. That last paragraph is spot on. I couldn't agree more with how it seem like people are trying to act like they aren't interested in anything. Very unfortunate. Trying out new food items at cafes sounds great, but I get the working out side of it! Just have to find a balance with that.

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    1. I've decided that my balance does involve working out, but also eating as much junk as I want without feeling guilty. It's probably not healthy but that's okay. And as for people and their weird uncaring ways, I guess we can't do anything about it, but is it better to show we care or to just follow the crowd?

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  2. Summer, it's always hard to be productive in summer.

    I wish people were striving to be nicer and less cynical, but the opposite is okay.

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    1. Is the opposite okay though? I guess that if everyone else is doing it, to show you care is like showing you're vulnerable. I just wish things were different sometimes.

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  3. Oh my gosh yes I agree with so much of this post on such a deep level. Except for the working out part, that was me all over. Especially towards the end of the year and all the testing and turning in projects... I didn't feel happy and I had just abandoned so much of what did make me happy, like art and music and blogging and journaling an designing... and one day I was just lying in bed, shortly after waking up, on my phone for like 3 hours not wanting to do anything, staring at a to-do list that had like 3 items on it... And it just hit me. I just had been plagued with unstart-able syndrome... Not knowing where to start, having apathy to start, and it just clicked in my head that all I needed to do was get up and get moving.
    So I put my phone aside and put on some old music I hadn't heard in a while and binge-cleaned my room, did some college prep stuff, took my dog for a walk, and just tried to unplug and do as much with my hands as possible and see as many people as possible... And I have been, in a sense, been getting "feeling" back... Writing again does wonders and finding the push to just get up and DO also has helped. And now that it's summer and I don't have looming assignments, I'm trying to ease myself back into my own happiness and am realizing that it's completely possible, and that the more limits you take off yourself, the sooner you think "yeah, I could do this right now if I wanted to", the more you can do and feel not-lazy. But honestly, even if you're just watching movies that you enjoy, as long as you enjoy it, it's not wasted time (; and lazing around in summer is a good winding down thing-- it's just the stuck-in-a rut mindset that can get you down (I feel it hard first hand sometimes) but you just have to get up and beat it (: I believe in you!!!

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    1. Yeah lately I've been a little more productive and inspired. In fact, i would even call myself busy because I'm making plans left and right and I've been having minimal sleep, which probably isn't great. The problem really is those mornings where I wake up and go on my phone for an hour, or just lie there, or have absolutely no direction for that day. I mean, I love days with no direction but now they just seem to give me legitimate headaches. I've been writing more lately though. Although I can't say I've been having all too many emotions. Thank you for this comment. I'm glad you relate on so many levels.

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  4. Studying is haaaard. I know what you mean, when I get stressed over study I feel like I'm less interested in what I usually like to do. But those projects sound fun - go for it!!

    Ah your last paragraph is really true. Sometimes I fall into it, actually.

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    1. Studying honestly does put life on hold, but in a way it keeps you busy. I don't know whether that's a good thing. I fall into it sometimes too :( I guess it's the only way to be respected and not trodden all over these days.

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  5. I also am feeling so unproductive and lazy. I DEFINITELY need to start working out again before I start gaining weight :0 I'm in the beginning stages of attempting to write a book too! Best luck to you :)

    Rachel @ A Perfection Called Books

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    1. Thank you Rachel! I haven't written for a few days now and I'm just not having that feeling where you're constantly brainstorming ideas, you know? I don't feel inspired enough. Best luck to the both of us to actually carry out these books (and working out too).

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    1. Thank you! I'm checking it out now.

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  7. Verrrrry relatable, and really well put. I've finally finished school and my summer job is already over (it was basically 3 weeks long) and I've realised how I've barely returned to any of my favourite things to do. I haven't left the house too much, I haven't gotten back into running as I'd wanted to and I've made very very few plans. It's time to refocus, I suppose. Also, definitely try to write a contemporary piece! It's my favourite way to write and it's easy enough to draw on real experiences and let your emotions do the talking. X

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    1. Running. I need to start running again too. And I haven't been writing much either, even though I said I would on this blog over a week ago. I have started up new projects such as learning to braid my hair and do makeup though, so maybe when we stop doing our favourite things, it's time to take up something new. I do really want to write that book though. Good luck to us both.

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