Today we had to evacuate the school, which led to us having to go home early. I came home with no school bag, no books and homework, no electronics - nothing but time, which is something I haven't had in a long while. So here I am... typing on the clunky home desktop and doing one of my rare past-times. I feel like I've neglected simply thinking.
I've noticed that since school started, every time we play one of those ice-breaker games where you say your name and something you like, while everyone else mentions something they do, something they're good at, my answer is always, "I'm M and I really like popcorn." I do so many different activities in my crumpled, busy life, and yet the one thing I choose is popcorn.
Every morning I wake up and inwardly groan at yet another day of school, and every day the dates I write at the top of each page increase at a surprisingly alarming rate. My life has become a cycle of school, homework, co-curriculars, work and musical instruments. I don't even work out anymore. I'm just too tired and too lazy. I am continuously looking forward to those Friday nights. All I want to do is watch TV and eat my popcorn. That popcorn seems to be what I am living for. It's the symbol of the happiest moments in my week.
I've been marathoning Modern Family after school lately, and those two episodes a day come before my maths homework, which I end up starting at 8pm when I've already started yawning. Somehow, due to hours worth of distractions, I still only manage to fall asleep at midnight, despite the lack of effort I put into checking my answers and correcting them if I'm wrong. In Week 1 I was completely on top of my work, but now the laziness has kicked in, and I'm worried. There's no way for me to get ahead, let alone stay there, if I'm not trying as hard as everyone else. What has happened to me?
In Week 1 I was also maintaining a healthy body, along with that healthy mind that seems to have disappeared. Now I eat cookies, anything I can find in the cupboard, finalised with a round of fruit to make myself feel better. And the thing is, I'm not even hating myself for it. It's like I don't care about my body anymore. I don't care about anything but popcorn anymore.
For the first time, I didn't take down those maths problems for the day. I didn't do them. I didn't even know that they had been set. I was just blissfully ignorant in the fact that I only had a certain amount of homework to do, and that was it... and I didn't even do that. In class everyone seems so on top of things. They discuss the homework, write each topic out in tables, yell out answers, don't make the simplest of careless mistakes while figuring out in-class problems. It's like their smartness is being rubbed in the face of my laziness, and I'm not doing anything about it, because by the end of the day I want nothing but to go on my laptop.
I didn't think that this state of mind would enter this year, but it seems to have. I guess the only thing to do is snap out of it tomorrow. I'm better than this. I can't possibly be bored of daily life after only three weeks. The little things in each day can be exciting too, right? It's time to sum up some positive energy, and savour the hours I have left to spend doing nothing today.