|January - that time we walked to Big Splash and it wasn't open|
The problem with the whole ‘new year, new me’ idea is that no matter how much you want to change, in whatever way you’ve decided to improve yourself this time, everything that has happened has happened. All those embarrassing moments and cringe worthy thoughts will always come back to haunt you.
And I think the hardest part of becoming a new person is trying to change how the people you already know view you. Even if you shake the past away, they still remember it. You can’t just wipe your world into a clean slate.
But then, maybe becoming a new person has more to do with the individual than every one else. No matter how much you try to change yourself, you will ultimately still be the same person. You’ll just be an improved version, and these improvements will slowly penetrate their opinion of you as a whole, not that it matters.
The first step to becoming a ‘new you’ is not shaking away your past, but rather shaking away the people to become separate from your own self-journey, because they’re the only ones holding the past in place.
|February - The first of 20 hours of community service|
Anyway, onto the usual new years’ post – the one stereotypical bloggy thing I conform to and love – with all the reflecting on how great 2015 was and how I changed so much from all the new experiences (which is actually very true), and the list of resolutions which I hope won’t bore you to death. To be honest, I feel obliged to write this post because in last years’ I wrote “Hopefully this will be the first of many New Years' posts.”
|March - a school swimming carnival|
So, last year on the threshold between 2014 and 2015 I was in Penang watching the fireworks, and this time round I was in Grandma’s house watching my cousin play League of Legends – so not all that different. I feel like this year I was more open to trying new things and I found that there was nothing wrong with putting in effort and committing, and as a result I guess I learnt quite a bit. For some reason, if you couldn’t tell by the title, this time round I’m not really interested in dwelling on the past, so let’s just skip to the resolutions:
Wear glasses or contacts full-time
My blind days are over. If people can be seen on the streets in glasses, so can I. Life’s more about how you see the world than how people see you, and being able to actually see clearly is a start.
I feel as if wearing glasses also makes you feel like a different person, and if I’m going for that ‘new year, new me’ regime, then this can only be a good thing.
|May - the one and only snapchat Monday|
Get more in touch with my Asian culture
Just because I live in a predominantly white country doesn’t mean I have to act white, and it’s taken me this long to come to that realization. I don’t need to live by their common idea of what makes a good life, and I don’t need to feel racist against my own race. I need to learn to be proud of it.
|June - we found really soft sand in Dymocks (highlight of the month)|
Learn to love my body
Either I learn to eat less or I learn to love my body, masses of food and all. I’d prefer the former because that gives me less of a chance of getting heart disease or cancer or something, but even then my brain is going to need a lot of rehabilitation to get to the point of self-love.
|July - because I'm vain and think my face looks nice in this photo|
Be more authentic
I shouldn’t love something because I think it’s cool to love it. I shouldn’t pretend I know someone super well when I don’t. I need to say it like it is, no matter how it makes me seem. I’m not some bimbo and I’m not pathetic. Everything I say and do and like: it needs to be real.
|August - formal was in this month but this day was more fun|
Be less intimidated
People talk loud but they’re just speaking words. Don’t buy into everything they say. They’re no better than you.
|September - I wore red lipstick and the same top as last month|
Be a little kinder
The world isn’t all about me, no matter how much I seem to think so. My friends deserve nice presents, everyone deserves a happy birthday message, and treating my parents nicer is going to be difficult and I doubt it’ll be happening until I move out.
I reckon I’m a little sour in the sense that if someone doesn’t do something for me, I will inwardly refuse to do it for them. But people will be people and I can’t control them, but at least if I do something nice for them they’ll be a little happier. I know the little things really impact me, so there’s no point holding back for them.
|October - I went outdoors|
It’s in capital letters because it’s the most important.
My mum is currently on the phone with my dad discussing how our super smart family friend only achieved third in the state, and they are now discussing the ATAR scores of 2015, and they have now moved on to discussing the scaling of subjects and how I need to ‘study hard’ and they are now discussing the ‘double degree’ I will be taking which I most definitely have not agreed to seeing as it has nothing to do with what I want to be.
I want a good ATAR though.
|November - spent most of the month hating school and not having a thigh gap|
You know what? I reckon the purpose of new years’ resolutions isn’t necessarily to follow them, but instead to provide a window to your thoughts at the time, to the things you were once concerned about. Our goals change over time, and by the end of the year some of these may not apply anymore. I know half the things I said last year were pretty stupid.
|December - my favourite month of the year|