Wednesday, 7 October 2015
Please check my snap story
I'm pathetic. I know I am. It's like I've reincarnated part of my immature Year 8 self, who wanted everyone to know when she met up with people. It's not so much meeting up anymore, but it's like I want everyone to know how much fun I'm having. I refresh and refresh my snapchat story views to see whether particular people have seen the obscure thing I did earlier today, or that really funny thing that happened.
It's like when something hilarious happened in the break room at work. I videoed it for snapchat just so that people would know that hey, I have fun at work, not that it should be any of their business. I don't even know what my mentality there was. Why should I care whether they know what I do at work? Is it because I want them to envy my job and how I spend my time? Is it because I want them to think I'm fun? All these reasons are immensely stupid.
And when that particular person doesn't see my snap story before it disappears, I'm like seriously? You had 24 hours. But why did I notice they didn't notice? How can certain people have so much power over me?
I know I'm becoming obsessive, and I know I should be able to have fun just for the sake of having fun, but I'm not even making a conscious effort to stop this ridiculousness. It seems to be working for me, so I keep posting and I keep refreshing. I don't even know if I want to end my stories, or if there's anything wrong with them. I think what's wrong here is that I care what these people think. It's okay to share what I'm doing, but it's not okay to wish that a certain person would just view my story, because I don't need their validation.
Having fun should be about having fun, and this translates to outside snapchat as well (because shock horror, the world doesn't revolve around snapchat - that was more for me than you). I don't know why I feel the need to tell stories of stuff that happened in the past in a way that makes me seem exciting, more adventurous. I don't know why I feel the need to share stuff that has absolutely no relevance sometimes.
How about we try breaking down the reasoning for this behaviour here:
Okay, so it could be about making myself look better, like I lead a more impressive life. But they say that best friends are the people you don't need to impress, so it's absolutely saddening if I feel the need to impress everybody, because that would mean I have no best friends. But then, I've shared some incredibly unimpressive stuff with some of my best friends as well, so maybe I'm just being myself by showing them both sides. It's the other people that I might be trying to impress?
Or maybe I'm trying to make them feel worse about themselves by showing them that I'm with this person doing this, and they're not. But now misanthropic is that? What kind of reasoning is that?
Maybe snapchat is like my diary or this blog in a way. It's like I have the second nature to document everything. It's like I can't simply just live in the moment. If I'm having an amazing time, I need to document it somewhere, and what's the point of taking photos if no one is able to see them? But shouldn't I be content with doing all this for myself? What's wrong with me keeping these memories personally to look back on? How does this have any relevance to anyone else besides the people who were there?
But in the same way, I feel like everyone treats snapchat in this manner. I mean, I can't think of a single other use for snap stories other than sharing with people what you're doing. If you're in a different country, working out, standing in front of a beautiful view, with someone who's looking on point; aren't all these instances snapchat worthy? I think it's fine to share what you're doing with other people, but obsessing over what these other people think is when it becomes negative.
There's a fine line between positive sharing and obsessiveness with social media, and I'm absolutely terrible at staying on the right side.