Sunday 4 October 2015

Conversation


In some ways I admire my dad.  He's the kind of person who will talk to anyone and everyone he encounters.  When I was younger I always thought he was embarrassing, weird, and I just wanted to leave; but now I wish I were as brave as him.  I wish I could make conversation with waiters at restaurants, or talk rugby with the uni boys kicking balls in the park, or simply find out more about people because they're fascinating.  I wish I were able to sit in a bar and talk for twenty minutes with a stranger, with no clue of who he is until he reveals that the concert he was at was in fact his own, and that he happens to be a singer your wife is a fan of - true story.

What I've realised lately is that people have problems with talking to strangers.  It's so unusual and this generations tends to relate strangers to kidnappers and rapists.  We can't accept that sometimes people talk for the sake of having a conversation.  You don't need to want something or be friends, or colleagues, or even have a mutual friend.  Not too long ago a conversation simply depended who was at the same place at the same time (from what I've seen on TV anyway).  So what happened?  Why are we all so rigid and awkward?

My koong koong (grandfather on mum's side) came to visit us from Malaysia just a few days ago, and I found that my dad isn't the only one.  Leave Koong Koong alone for a few minutes and he'll already be asking some family where they're from.  And the funny thing is, the families are always super friendly.  As soon as a country is mentioned he rattles off knowledge of the place, crafting the conversation around their culture, in the same way my dad does with every single waiter who's ever served us.  I don't understand how they became so worldly, but I know I want to be like that too.

I've decided I'm going to try.  I'll never be able to go up to any sort of stranger and spark a conversation, but there's always the people you want to say something to but don't, because they're a stranger.  For example, the girl in the bookshop who's looking straight at your favourite books, wondering what to buy.  You know you could give her the perfect recommendations and plot sypnoses, but you're too scared.

It's like Vincent, the non-Asian/Asian stranger from last summer.  We had a long running inside joke about what shouldn't have been that big a deal.  Even he made it seem like a big deal when he sat next to us.  What shouldn't have been weird at all was perceived as extremely weird because that's this generation's mentality.  We only talk to our family, friends at school, people at co-curriculars, and people we work with.  Nobody makes a friend by going up to them in the middle of the mall, and that's fine, but we shouldn't be scared to talk to each other.  I think I want to be a Vincent, no matter how strange it may seem.

The last conversation I had with a stranger was my hairdresser.  This was unusual because normally I awkwardly sit while whoever's cutting my hair goes about their job in silence.  But you learn something from everyone, and she taught me the logistics of getting a tattoo, which is information I may need in the future.  In the same way, I learn a little from every new person I meet at work.  I learn what life is like under their circumstances, new things to enjoy doing, and all these people are still within my demographic.  I wonder what life's like for those so different to me.  Maybe this is how my dad and Koong Koong became so worldly.

With what I learn at school being predictable as hell, and the amount of new experiences available to me limited, I guess talking to people is the best way to gain knowledge.  I'm aware that my true self is pretty socially awkward around new people unless I make a conscious effort, and reading articles and blogs could suffice, but I reckon we should all make an effort to talk to more people.  We all want to expand our minds.

Love,
M

16 comments:

  1. Wow love this! I definitely have problems talking to strangers, I should try it perhaps?! x

    ratherstrangeblog.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Definitely perhaps! I like the idea of talking to people, although it's so much harder to make it happen than to think it.

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  2. Talking to strangers is always good because everyone wants someone that listens to them. If you start by saying hi and how are you, the rest will take care of itself.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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    1. But nowadays some people find it difficult to continue the conversation from there. As soon as someone unexpected talks to us we become so surprised by the idea of it that we can't carry the conversation normally. I think the mentality is what needs changing. People do love talking about themselves though.

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  3. I feel the same way.

    I've never been the sort to initiate conversations with my friends' families; let alone cashiers, hairdressers and other apparent 'strangers'.

    I suppose I've always been a bit awkward, but I'd like to think that will change in the future, like it seems to be doing for you.

    As always - I loved this post!

    Kate x
    www.theteenaspect.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Awkwardness is a state of mind, and it's also pretty easy to change. We become less so with practice so I guess initiative is all that's needed. Of course everyone is awkward sometimes. I know I have major issues with talking to friends' parents.

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  4. I want to try doing that too, my Dad is a lot like your Dad. He will talk to anyone. Sometimes he does embarrassing things on purpose. Like once we walked into an almost empty theater. There was only one other person in there, and when I asked him where he wanted to sit. He shouted, "Let's sit by that guy."
    The guy whipped around and looked confused as heck. I was so embarrassed.

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    1. Hahaha :') Yes my dad would do that too. In some ways he's just a really old attention seeker.

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  5. I totally agree with you. I really don't know how my mom manages to start a conversation with everyone! She's now even friends with the elderly ice cream man that passes by my village evey afternoon. She's always nice to strangers and ends up knowing a lot about them (i.e: if they have kids, how old are them, a bit of the person's interests, etc). Sometimes I feel like that's a bit nosy from her but, I've noticed that people actually like being asked about their lives, they feel like someone else cares about them, they feel noticed.

    This quality of hers comes in handy at her job, because she's a saleswoman.

    I would like to be able to do that, and I'm going to start trying. Baby steps, of course. I'm going to start with those times when I feel like I need to talk to someone, like for recommending them something or things like that (as you said).

    The Journeys of a Girl

    P.S.: The picture at the beginning is gorgeous!

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    1. Your mum is goals. To be able to form a relationship with those people you see but would, under societal standards, never talk to is the kind of person I want to be too. Baby steps will do it, and maybe we'll grow up to be like your mum.
      Thank you Salha. The picture was taken at this flower festival held in my city every year.

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  6. Great post M! Definitely an eye opener.

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  7. I feel the same way, my mum is like that too.
    This blog is a timely reminder to myself (and many others, I bet) to open up and talk to random strangers. Who knows, we might make their day with a comment and a friendship may form! I've started following you, looking forward to more amazing posts.
    wondering if you'd check out my blog? www.myhopefulpencil.blogspot.com

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    1. I feel like if our parents are like that, we have hope to become like that too? Well, actually, everyone has hope. Sometimes it takes bravery but people are generally friendly no matter what you say to them. Random friendships are probably the best friendships, but then they're all technically random. Thank you Zelus! I'm checking out your blog now

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  8. My dad talks to random people all the time too. I like to make conversation, but it is hard sometimes, especially when you literally don't know anyone!! Keeping the conversation going is the second hard part. Good for you fo wanting to try and get out there more. Be bold!! :) Great post <3

    Rachel @ A Perfection Called Books

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    1. Thanks Rachel! Keeping a conversation going shouldn't be too hard if you click, or if you're my dad apparently. I feel like he's had so many that he basically has scripted questions that he asks. But being fun to talk to is an awesome quality to have.

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