Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Beauty and Bitchiness



"I notice how pretty a girl is based on the way she carries herself", said someone today.

I really like that, although I can't say that's what I notice myself.  I'm going to have to admit that I notice beauty based on the face, and the hair, and the body; because I'm shallow like that.  Although there's no doubt that subconsciously we all do judge beauty based on the way one "carries themselves".  If they've got a confident walk, head held high, graceful; then sure, it probably does affect my opinion.  But what kind of person actually notices a girl and thinks, "Hey.  She's got a really nice walk"?

I feel like there's always an undercurrent of a person's personality and social status there though, permeating the thoughts of each judging person.  If they've got a super personality and are really popular, then people will complement them, no matter what their face looks like (unless they're seriously absurdly ugly, which literally no one is).  But if they're seen as a bit of a weirdo, or are a little shy, then unless they're overly stunning, they'll be seen as either average or ugly.

Going to an all girls' school full of bitchy people, the topic of how pretty a person is is quite openly spoken about, behind their backs of course (unless it's a complement, in which case it's probably a little fake).

They were talking about this girl today, who I think is really pretty.  They were talking about how random her profile pictures are, and how much she's changed, and they kept making sideways glances, making sure she wasn't walking through the door.  Nobody stops these kinds of conversations, myself included.  There may be saves and complements, but they always seem like fake kindness to make yourself look better.

The only problem with this girl is that she hangs around people they see as "weird", and when a person is seen as weird, it's appalling the amount of times they can be laughed at without them knowing it.  The amount of judgemental looks they get is astounding.  And the amount of influence these opinions have on me is shameful, because when someone is thought of as weird, I start to see them that way as well.

I reckon girls must always compare, and when they aren't getting something they want, they make up a philosophy for themselves as a sort of self reassurance; and a lot of these philosophies are then preached very loudly.

We feel the need to make ourselves look good, better than others.  We sit with people we think are cooler.  We make fun of people we think aren't.  We think, "at least I'm not her" but less blatantly when reassuring ourselves.  We'll say anything to fit into certain conversations with certain people.

And if we can't successfully do this, we start complaining about how pretentious the school is, how shallow people are, how ridiculous.  We act like we're better, more forward thinking, when really none of it really matters and we're all pretty pathetic for even playing this incredulous game.  Healthy food, the number of continents you've been to, your formal dress, your social life - none of it needs to be superior to anyone else's, so why is it so important to us?

Sure gossip sessions are fun, but not to the point that they become all around mean. No talking about how "she's ugly in real life but looks good in photos" when you don't even know her as a person.  Never call a person "ew" when she's standing right there.  Keep conversations light because there's no need for all that negative energy.

I just hate that "chilled" tone of voice.  I don't know how to describe it but I use it sometimes, and that voice is how I know I'm being fake.  It's the tell-tale of when people are trying to act "cool" when they're insecure and trying to say pretentious or offensive things to make themselves feel better.  Or if they're like me, trying to fit in with the rest of these voices.

Sometimes people disregard others, just ignore them when they speak, as if they don't deserve to be heard, as if what they're saying isn't important.  Feeling ignored is one of the worst feelings in the world.  It's amazing how two-faced some people can be depending on who they're around, how the respect for someone can change based on someone else's opinion, someone else's experiences dictating their own.

I hate it when people make noise with no content, when they preach their opinions and all the weaker-minds can't filter it out of their heads; their opinion becomes the opinion, and it's irritating.

The backstabbers and fakers are everywhere, all wanting to make themselves feel more reassured, make themselves look better, seem better, myself included.  If the definition of beauty is both physical and spiritual, I reckon we're all pretty ugly inside.

Love,
M

24 comments:

  1. They are everywhere I just don't understand why girls get that way!

    Candice | Beauty Candy Loves

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    1. Neither. Why do we feel the need to play all these silly head games, to feel so superior?

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  2. I think more girls should lift each others up, instead of putting them down as well as compare themselves to others. As the saying goes if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. :)
    ♥NY
    Yours Truly, NY


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    1. Too true Natalie. Why can't lifting people up be part of our nature instead of all this ugliness?

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  3. I think one of the most important things to people is their appearance. But since we are all different someone is bound to find something to pick and pick about. It's petty if you ask me. I mean if a girl doesn't like some pants another girl is wearing than tell her yourself, don't talk behind her back like a snake. It's not right the way some people gossip and talk behind your back.
    Well, at least there are good people out there who actually care about the feelings of others:)
    ~Kristen
    DreamaCrochet on Etsy.com

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    1. There are way too many snakes in this world. They just pick and pick and pick at other people in comparison to themselves, and the snakiest of all will insult them vehemently to make themselves feel better. If someone likes someone else's something better than their own, they'll pick on how braggy that someone is, or how obsessed they are. You can never win. :(

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  4. I hate when people do that! I deal with that sometimes,
    I've had a big problem with people looking over at me with a horribly disgusted face, I try to smile back but they keep looking at me or pointing at me. It's super embarrassing. I'm super self-conscious and that's my biggest problem in society when I talk to people too. I get shy, and my voice they say is like a mumble. But I don't want to sound too obnoxious either....
    everyone's beautiful and if they can't see it. Then they really need to get their eyes checked :)
    -Addy

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    1. Haha. I love that last line. But Addy, I'm sure people aren't always looking at you disgusted. There will always be people who think you're absolutely amazing. Yes, there are evil people out there, but not all of them are like that. And if anyone is, clearly they're not worth our time; they have bad eye sight ;)

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  5. Such an honest post. It's true, there's ugly in everyone... Popularity is taken so seriously these days, it seems to have dominated everything in people our age, makes me sick.
    Love this post M, you always seem to shine a new light on things. ;)
    June

    The Journeys of My Beating Heart

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    1. It makes me sick too June :( Why are we all like this, and why does it affect us so much? I wish I could say I was above it all, but frankly, I don't think anybody is.

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  6. Girls should not be compared to other girls. I saw people putting down this girl because she wasn't as smart as another. I mean...there's so many flaws with that kind of reasoning. Anyway, I really liked this post, it was very honest and genuine and I'll probablybe thinking about this for the next couple of days. :)

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    1. Thanks so much Jo. I love making people think; especially when it comes to girls and the way we can't seem to just be happy for one another, instead finding flaws to make ourselves feel better in comparison.

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  7. All hail to this post. People, especially our generation now, are all this visual type of humans. We are all keen on how someone looks like or what. Even in my school, college, talks a lot more about specific individuals about this and that- fake people and backstabbers are everywhere. To think, even boys have to say about a girl like "Oh! dude, she's so pretty // Oh she's ugly!". Good post, M!

    Lou | wandersoul.co.vu

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    1. Thanks Lou. People really are so visual - I know I am. I guess it's a first impression kind of thing. I mean, yeah it's wrong and looks really shouldn't mean anything, but they do.

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  8. this was extremely well written, lovely read x
    Hannah | Heyitshannaah

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  9. I just finished my first year at a women's college. Before college applications, I had never considered applying to a women's college, because I was afraid it would be filled with petty girls. But I've been pleasantly surprised :) The women at my college are so empowering and they inspire me. Part of the reason I ultimately decided to attend a women's college was so that I would be surrounded by people like this, and so that one day I'd be able to empower and inspire myself and then others. "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." (Eleanor Roosevelt) -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey's

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    1. At my age, I couldn't say anyone I know is empowering as such, but I have no doubt that one day many of them will be. At the same time though, I wouldn't want to be in an environment full of empowered people, because I'd feel so intimidated and worthless. At the same time though, maybe it'd make me more empowered and inspired as you feel. Your college sounds amazing, and yes, girls can be the most intricately beautiful people to be surrounded by.

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  10. Girls can be so mean, we don't make things easy for each other, but as you get older it doesn't get so bad.

    Meme xx

    New Blog Post:
    'Beautiful = Natural'
    http://thedayinthelifeofmexoxo.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. I certainly hope we'll realise being nice is being better as we grow up.

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  11. Completely agree. I am very lucky that I don't have many of those at my school, but there are a few. Anyway, in love with your blog, so much deep inspiration, absolutely amazing content. Keep it up, i would like to hear more from you.

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    1. Awh thanks so much! I wouldn't say everybody at my school is like that. I mean, everyone is to a certain extent but everyone's also pretty decent in the end. I guess ugliness is just a part of life.

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  12. Hello!
    I stumbled across your blog today and I love that you can discuss these issues while recognising that you are also guilty of the crime! Most posts that I have read discussing this issue approach it in a way that says they are above it all. Which is why I love this point so much:
    "And if we can't successfully do this, we start complaining about how pretentious the school is, how shallow people are, how ridiculous. We act like we're better, more forward thinking, when really none of it really matters and we're all pretty pathetic for even playing this incredulous game."
    What I have found is that the posts I have been reading are written by those who did not successfully achieve popularity in school and there for the disposition came across as very bitter, where as I find your post comes more from a place of honesty.
    Also! Something to think about; I noticed during school that people were only considered attractive by association. If you were 'in' with the popular people, you were suddenly relevant. Some of those who were considered to be in the 'weird' group were often very beautiful looking people, however because they were not relevant, they were not ever considered attractive. You feel me?

    -Skye
    http://everyythinginbetween.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. I notice that all the time! It's always about association and connections, and nowadays calling someone beautiful is just a means to get on their good side; to get 'in' with their crowd. Looks matter to a certain extent, but it's who you're with that ends up being everything. To be honest, I'm just about to write a post titled 'above and over it all' because I've decided to become one of those people; not the ones who say they are in a bitter way, but I want to strive to become someone who truly doesn't care about this 'incredulous game' because I've described it as stupid but I'm still playing. And to be honest, if I do stop trying so hard to be cool by association and start dropping off the deep end, I'm not going to care one bit. Or at least I'll train myself not to.

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