Friday, 24 April 2015

Social Skills?

Ever since I started working this has been a question.  Well, actually, it's kinda always been on my mind since like last year when I had some sort of personal revelation, but now it's a question of which philosophy to follow.  How do people do it?


Social skills.  It's a matter of how easy you are to talk to, how much people enjoy your company, how normal you are, how society sees you, based on the way you interact with people.

I'm telling you now, at the age of 12 I had no social skills whatsoever.  I think it's a self confidence issue.  You see, at 12 I had none and pretty much thought I had to follow along because I was always wrong, but then, at like 13 or 14 I realised that no, I'm just as right as the rest of them, and I think that's when I developed myself a little.  So yeah, the first step to being able to communicate with other human beings appropriately is to have some self confidence.  Realise you're just as amazing as everyone else, if not more amazing.


But now it's a matter of your personality, and how you convey that personality.  Like, what do you do?  What do you say to be funny, or fun, or just nice to have a chat with?  I don't want to just be plain old boring normal.  I want people to be able to label me, to have a thought on me.  What am I?  Who am I?  What does the way I interact say about me?

This is where work has come in.  Working at a cinema actually requires a lot of socialising.  Mostly with co-workers but also through customer service I guess, but then you don't really meet the customers for more than a few minutes at most so they don't really count.  I'm talking about the co-workers, who you spend full 5 hour shifts with, here.


Let's analyse the other trainees first.

One of them is like a "best mate" I guess you could say.  She laughs a lot and is really good with the guys.  She likes zombies and xbox and Fast and Furious and that kind of thing, and she's simply confident and is able to talk.  I'm not sure what she does or how she does it or how she's able to find stuff to laugh about.  But honestly, when I'm working with her it makes me look fun as well.  So that's a bonus, but what is she doing that makes the overall environment this way?

Another one is really bubbly.  She's just really really sociable, from what I've seen of her anyway.  I find her easy to talk to, but she also said she was like totally silent on her first shift.  I wasn't, but maybe she's exaggerating a lot?  Anyway, I only spent about a half hour with her, but she's kinda like the nice slightly ditzy one, and people like that, but I'm not that.

The other girl is just really popular.  Everybody knows her.  Like literally everybody in the entire city, or north side anyway.  She's been to three different schools and people already knew her before she got hired, and I'd even heard of her before she got hired.  From the time I've spent with her, I know she's easy to talk to as well, and she's really good at knowing how to act in any situation.  But how does she do it???

The one guy that got hired with us is confident, but possibly in a bad way.  He's kinda weird because he already asked the "best mate" girl out (who rejected lol).  Yeah, but he enjoys being good at everything, and organised, and having a plan.  A few co-workers have told me he's kinda weird to talk to.  But what makes him weird to talk to?  What is he doing wrong?


And if I were to categorize everyone else I've managed to meet, they're all so socially apt.  I'm just hoping I'm just as great at this as they are.  I am, right?  Nobody's called me weird and everyone is talking to me alright, so I must be doing something.  What's my overall impression, I wonder.


There's the older people who talk about uni and phones and music.

There's the slightly younger people obsessed with night clubs and bars and drinking and drugs and social media.

There's the other group of younger people who aren't.

And there are those in between.

There are the bossy people no one likes.

There are the people I haven't met yet or can't remember, who all seem so perfectly normal.

And then there's me.  I don't know what to think about me.


What should I be?  How are my social skills?  What should I say or do and how should I act?  I can technically make myself be anything.  I'm a person to be moulded but what do I do with myself?  And how do I learn to perfect that person?

Maybe I should just continue doing what I'm doing, being pleasant and somewhat funny?  Or am I boring?  What even am I?

It's frustrating.

Maybe I'm overanalysing things too much.

Love,
M

20 comments:

  1. I didn't have social skills until I was 17, but then I don't always want to be social because it drains my energy. I love this post, this is actually relatable.

    www.dicexcvi.com

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    1. Thanks Kandice. Sure sometimes being social can be draining, but it's amazing how much you can learn from talking to new people. I reckon having social skills and meeting new people makes life more interesting.

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  2. Once I'm comfortable speaking to someone it's all fine with me. But I did have a problem at one point speaking to others, mostly when I have to meet new people. I used to wonder if I was boring them, what I could say that would help, or what I could do to socialize more. But now I do it with much more ease, I don't really know how it happened though :)

    -Kathie K
    A Sea Change



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    1. Yeah. I feel like there are some people you're just completely comfortable with and you don't feel judged or like you need to watch what you say, but what about the rest of them? I wish I was like that with everyone. And I guess I can be. You kinda are. The trick I guess is to just assume you're great and not boring, because no person is boring if they're comfortable with saying anything.

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  3. I don't think you're overanalysing things. Often I wonder what's the first word that comes to mind when thinking about me. Do others see me as funny, friendly, or smart? Maybe even some negatives, like bossy or aloof. The worst thing would be being labelled as 'boring', I think, because it implies that I am background noise and not interesting enough for second thought.

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    1. The word boring makes me want to curl up and cry because who would want to be boring? You're right. Anything's better than boring. I hope people see me as something else, anything else.

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  4. My social skills are rubbish. I'm naturally a very quiet person but only in recent years have I learned to talk freely. Like when I was 12 even around my friends I was silent. I just didn't have anything to say. I like to think that my personality has grown since then and I like to joke a lot but people never get what I'm saying so most people probably think I'm crazy. But one of the most important things is to be kind. It doesn't matter if you are shy or quiet or that you find conversations awkward. No one is boring. We all have very interesting lives, hobbies opinions etc. Some of course are more interesting than others. Good luck trying to find yourself ^_^

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    1. Thanks Marian. Being kind is definitely a must, but I feel like being interesting is important too. I'll try to make myself someone worth learning from and talking to, someone confident and knowledgeable.

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  5. Hi M,
    The thoughts you've voiced out mirror a lot what I used to perceive myself as.
    A few years ago, I used to act like a walking-talking immature tool - quiet, shy, ignorant.
    I always was a talkative person, but somehow, during that time, I could never ever express myself.
    But now, after pushing myself into changing schools, forcing myself to take part in extracurricular activities and really forcing myself hard to interact more with my family, I guess I have improved a lot in expressing myself.
    And also, I've improved as to how to treat my peers.
    What I perceive as social skills is not just talking to everybody like they're your best buds, but making people feel comfortable about themselves.
    A true social person is one who makes others feel happy to be in their own skills and treats them with respect. A true social person isn't someone who says something sweet to you on your face and then bitches behind your back.
    So, don't worry about those guys think about you. You be as you are. Be sweet, be helpful, be nice. Don't be something that you're not. Fake-ness (in my opinion) isn't really an attractive social trait, but it shows how much you are desperate to cover up your imperfections. Ultimately, no matter how typical it sounds, everyone falls for a person who's true at heart.
    Lovely post, as always!
    Stay awesome,
    Much love,
    Archie.

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    1. Thanks for the insight Archie. I guess kindness and how comfortable and respectful and happy you are to talk to wins out in the end. And you're right. I shouldn't try to change who I am and act fake. But I'm not really sure if I'm being fake or not because I mostly just act on instinct, and that's me right? As for what everyone thinks of me, I'll try to throw that out the window.

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  6. You're intelligent. You have an insight and a way with words...I would love to know you in person. You are interesting. I couldn't, wouldn't label you as boring.
    That's who you are.

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    1. Aw thanks Tane. This is literally the sweetest comment. <3

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  7. This is a lovely post! I've nominated you for the Liebster Award as I like your blog!

    Serena / www.ramblingsofanotherunistudent.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Serena!! I'll check out the award now xx

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Wishing I could've seen this comment...

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  9. I'm pretty much an introvert, and tbh I hate talking to people I don't know very well. Guess it's just the fact that we're both still at the initial stage of " judging" each other. But once I get past that social barrier, everything gets better.
    I think I can answer one of your questions;) You have great social skills, you're like a social butterfly that always keeps convos going without ever getting boring. Some skills you have girll! <3

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    1. Thanks June! I'm trying to figure out if you're the June I know from your conversation comment, but I'm not sure haha. Sorry :/ But it's true that once the initial ice is broken, it's so much easier to communicate. It just takes a while..

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  10. I sometimes feel like I am overly social and it gets me into trouble. People can take my socializing and friendliness as me flirting with them, it is like my being nice is so out of the norm that they think it is more than it is.
    Missie @ A Flurry of Ponderings

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    1. Hahaha flirting. People read way into things, but being friendly isn't a bad thing. It's awkward for them.

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