Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Secret Blogger

To all you bloggers out there, I'm interested to know: How many people in your personal life know about your blog?  And is it better that they do or they don't?


For me personally, I wish I were a completely secret blogger.  Not for deceitful reasons like Gossip Girl (no matter how cool, and wrong, that is), but more to stay anonymous, to be able to speak my mind as much as I like on here without feeling awkward or worried that someone I know is reading my thoughts.

I mean, that's what a blog is meant to be, right?  It's meant to be like an online diary as such.  Obviously I do want people to read this diary, seeing as I'm posting it on the internet. But couldn't these people not be people I see at school, or at home, or anywhere?  Why can't these people live in England or Africa or Antarctica for all I care?  I love hearing you guys' comments and having you all reading about what some random Asian Australian is thinking.  I think that's cool and also gives me some worldly opinions when you expand on my posts.  But what about people I actually know?

When I decided to create a blog, I had this lovely little anonymous corner in mind.  It was going to be my guilty pleasure, my secret hobby.  The only person who would know would be June, who was the inspiration for my blog in the first place.  Unfortunately, that's not how it all worked out.

So I made my blog on a sick day.  I was bored at home and was like, "Hey June.  I think I'm gonna make a blog today."  And I did.  I made one, and sent her the link, but stupid me forgot to tell her I wanted it to be a secret.  So before I knew it most of our group knew.  And that was okay.  I mean, I have fantastic friends who wouldn't judge and probably wouldn't care enough to update themselves on my blog anyway.


And then the next people to know were my parents.  My mum was wondering why I had been so completely obsessed and secretive with my laptop lately (I guess I'm not the best at hiding stuff from my nosy parents), and so I decided to tell her so she wouldn't think I was doing anything drastically wrong, because she honestly expects the worst of every secret I keep.  And of course once I tell my mum something, the entire family will know.

It started with my dad and sister, who I don't think care one bit because they're kinda self obsessed.  Or well, my dad is anyway.  I have the sneaking suspicion my sister has been quietly reading my blog, seeing as I've caught the tabs open after she's used the computer.  It's a sweet gesture I guess.  After my immediate family came my uncle and aunty, who started talking about it when I went to Malaysia and had me all confused, seeing as my mum promised she hadn't told anybody.  And I'm pretty sure some of my grand uncles and aunties, and other uncles and aunties, and second uncles and aunties know about my blog too.  Stupid family.

And I guess you could say this is all endearing that so many people care about the random ramblings that go on in my head, but I'd really rather they didn't have access to any of it, or know that I enjoy writing stuff out in the first place.


It's probably really stupid of me to be writing any of this here, seeing as quite a few people at school know of my blog now, but you know what?  I'm going to anyway because if I want to keep the enjoyment I gain from the honesty of my blog alive, I'm going to need to get through it and not care who's reading this.  I doubt too many of them are reading this now anyway.  I mean, I'm not that interesting to read about.  But if you are reading this (I'm looking at you TN) then HII!!  Please don't take this too judgementally because you're probably one of the people I don't mind reading this.

The uncomfortable thing about people from school knowing about your blog is that they'll probably talk about it, or possibly be on it in the middle of school.  And it's not someone else's fault if they overhear or see it.  It's very likely that some of your other friends will find out about it, or even people who are mere acquaintances, half friends?  And it's no one's fault really.  As soon as one person knows, others will probably know too.  It's life, and it sucks when you're trying to maintain an anonymous blog.

The really awkward part is when they recognise themselves in your blog, both negative and positive.  For example, if you took a lovely little photo and they happen to be in it, even if their face is completely wiped out.  They might go on about being scared about where you're putting their photos, even if they're barely even in it.  Like they think you're so super obsessed with them, or they're just a little paranoid.  I mean, wouldn't it be better if they just didn't know about it?  It's not like you're breaching privacy or anything.  Nobody reading my blog is going to stalkishly stare at their invisible face and be like, "I want to find that girl."

And then, if you're doing one of your rants and something they did becomes a negative example.  It's not like you hate them or anything.  It's not like you think they're wrong or bad people.  You're just mad at the world and it happens, but it doesn't look that way when they read it, and that can cause some awkward sticky situations.  Sometimes they won't address it and it'll just be a white elephant.  But otherwise, they might talk about it indirectly, through other people, or in the best circumstances, to your face.  Everyone has different reactions, and I'm sorry if you found something negative about yourself in this blog.  I really didn't mean it.

And even those regular rambles about nothing in particular.  Like how you're wishing for the holidays to start, or your thoughts on how lonely you felt the other day... Who would want someone they actually know to read that?


I can already feel myself starting to censor what I write on here.  I need to alter the experiences I write about to not be about them.  I've been feeling like writing less and less lately because I'm not sure what to write about without feeling judged anymore.  I'm feeling judged now.  Blogging is becoming more like Instagram and Facebook than a diary.  It's feeling like a place to share polished highlight moments rather than posting for comforting words and outside opinions.

But I'm not sure what to do.  I must say, in the 8 months I've had my blog, it's become a part of my life, and I don't want to give any of it up.  Maybe I should go with the whole "Don't let the haters stop you from doing your thang" thing.  And no I don't think you guys (who I know in real life) are haters as such, but please stop laughing at that haters description, especially the 'thang' bit.  I have the urge to backspace it right now but nope... I'm leaving that there.


And my advice to all you bloggers reading this: Be a secret blogger.  Keep your blogging life completely separate from your real life.  It'll be like your little corner to have a little chat.  It'll be like your personal advice column, because some of the advice readers give based on your posts are amazing.  But you've gotta be honest to get any of that advice.  And trust me, you'll get a lot more honesty out if you know nobody you see face to face is going to discuss any of it with you.

Love,
M

49 comments:

  1. When I first started out blogging I didn't want anyone to know either.I was paranoid too on what others would think of it, whether or not they would like it or rather would they make fun of me for doing something like that. But eventually I did end up telling everyone that I wrote one. I didn't mind what they thought of it. It's my corner and my space and I like to blog.
    But, it's everyone's own choice, whether they want to do it using their own identity or anonymously :)

    -Kathie K
    http://climbingthroughtomorrow.blogspot.in/

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    1. It's true that when people know about your blog and don't judge or anything it's a sign that they're trustworthy loyal people. But there's still the issue of whether they might possibly be hurt by the things you say on your blog, and I think the purpose of having a blog is redundant when you're censoring out certain thoughts because you know they might possibly be reading. But yeah, it is every blogger's personal choice.

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  2. I a 100% agree with this. I haven't been blogging as much as I should because i feel like I'll be judged by what I write about. "Am I good enough.... Does this make sense.... What the heck am I doing" and it's kind of even worse when you know people you know read it... :(

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    1. You shouldn't feel judged on your blog, and it's easy not to be when no one you know is reading it. I mean, the purpose of having a blog is to speak your opinion to share with others. Except maybe those others should be less personally related.

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  3. It's choice really going anonymous or being open about your blog.I blog under the alias of Neal Kind because I feel that if I tell everyone some content in my comics would be under question since they have a lot of private stuff about other people.I actually do want to be open about having Daily Diaries and tell a few close friends but I don't.I recently tried sending someone a few screenshots of it but then rushed it up and somehow got out of it. :P
    I guess you feeling judged is something only you feel right now the minute.It shouldn't bother you if people judge you because the ones who do will always find something to judge you for if not for speaking your mind on your blog then for something you say in real life or how you dress or how you look or how you behave anything they can find.But the right kind of people they'd understand you.There might be a lot of people out there who probably go through same stuff as you do and they wait for your posts to see how you're doing.I've read a few post about you having a little troubles with your family maybe if they read your blog they actually might have a little idea how you feel and what is going inside your head and actually might understand you but that is circumstantial.It might also go very wrong.I know if I tell my family about Daily Diaries I'm going to get a big lecture.
    I kind of ranted here didn't I lol xD

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    1. Haha I love rants though. The thing about people I know reading this is not that I'm judged as such, but more that they could be hurt by the things I say. Of course there's the judging too, but theoretically I shouldn't be caring about any of that. If I want them to understand about my family or how I'm feeling, I can go say it to their face. I feel like it's so ineffective and uncommunicative if they're learning stuff about me through an anonymous blog. As for you, Neal, I think you should keep your comics a secret. And if you want to show them your work, show your drawings to their face. Don't give them your blog link. That way you can censor the information they have access to.

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  4. Blogging is such a weird experience I think. Only my close friends & the people who encouraged me to start know but they never read it.Loved reading this, the line between family,friends & internet is more blurred than ever.

    http://sweetchildofafrica.blogspot.com.au/?m=1

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    1. The line really is so blurred. I think the ideal would be for them to know I have a blog, but not read it. I can't expect people to do that though. I understand curiosity.

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  5. I thought i was the only one who didn't want anyone to know about my blog! I kinda gave up on it lately and i want to thank you for reminding me why i started writing in the first place! Don't be ashamed of people knowing you have a passion for something. What to you want your blog to contain? That's what you write; not what you think your friends at school want to see! You're amazing never forget that! :) xx

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    1. Thanks Irene. My friends are part of my life though, and I write about my life, which means I will write some stuff about them. And isn't it just awkward having people reading about themselves, and your honest opinion of them at the time?

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  6. I can relate to this so much! The only person in my personal life that knows about my blog is my boyfriend. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels like this! x

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    1. You're lucky you have a trustworthy boyfriend who won't tell the rest of the people in your life. I'm glad you can relate x

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  7. I completely agree to be honest. Only my family and a few close friends know I have a blog and I only told them because I knew they wouldn't judge me for it but I do sometimes wish I'd kept it a secret. But not always only because I don't really post any personal stuff, I do reviews and serious posts sometimes really. I don't tend to post personal things unless I really need/want to.

    Anything & Everything | Bloglovin'

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    1. But when you need/want to post personal stuff, how can you when your friends and family are there reading? I guess we have to push past that and trust that they won't take anything too personally from your blog.

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  8. I totally understand. Even though I love blogging, the only people who know that I have a blog are my parents and a handful of friends, not many. I don't even post personal things on my blog, I just feel kind of weird telling people in my life about it. People keep telling me that I should tell other people about it, but I just can't quite bring myself to do so. Oh well. Maybe one day.
    xoxo
    Grace Anne
    http://totallygraced.blogspot.com/

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    1. I can't bring myself to tell people either, but I guess it's not too bad having people know about our blogs. Maybe this way we are bearing more of our inner thoughts to them. Just because you love something doesn't mean you can't keep it a secret.

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  9. I can relate to this! I'm actually not a secret blogger - I'm usually pretty open about letting others read my blog! People from school have come up to me once in a while and complimented on my on my blog. It's kind of creepy but I secretly like it haha :) xx

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    1. Haha creepy but secretly invited compliments ;) I guess since we're so proud of our blogs, it can be satisfying in a way to have people reading our works.

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  10. My blog has never been a secret, but I don't tell people about it. I kind've wish it was my secret like you said, then I could express myself without judgment. Like I posted some pictures of myself, and one of my friends called me flipping out that I looked different. She just hadn't seen me in a little while, and I was wearing makeup.

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    1. That's the problem I guess. When they comment on something you've posted in real life. I like the idea of having a secret world online (not in a creepy way) and a lovely normal life outside.

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  11. Agreed! My blog's not secret and I'm pretty open about everything I write on there, but it's a teeny bit embarrassing when you know people on real life will read it. A lot of my friends know about it. :(

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    1. Well, it's not like they can unknow it. I guess we just have to keep blogging and ignore any judgement.

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  12. Oh, wow. I completely agree with this post, M.

    Only a few of my friends know about my blog, but only one of them actully takes the time to read it... Which is better for me haha
    My dad also knows, and he thinks it's cool!

    It has happened to me that, while in college, a random classmate walks towards me and comments something about my blog. I immediately think "What are you doing on my blog, huh?"... A bit embarrassed, of course.

    I don't really want my blog to be secret to random people, but I feel like it HAS to be secret for the people I actually know because some of them think it's a waste of time and make jokes about it... But, whatever. I enjoy blogging! :D

    The Journeys of a Girl

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    1. When people come up to me and say, "I hear you have a blog. Am I allowed to read it? What's it called?" I immediately panic. I can't exactly say no, so sometimes I just change the subject and sometimes I let them, depending on our closeness. But I really wish whoever told them I have a blog just hadn't. And I'm sorry some people are teasing you for having a blog. They have no idea what they're missing out on.

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  13. When I first created my blog, it was under the name EveIsNotPosh (inspired by the fact that many people define my accent as 'posh'). Originally, I wasn't that cautious about who read it. I told my mum three months after I started, and at that time, it was available to anyone, though I didn't think anyone would actually be interested. Turns out I actually got a bit of teasing for a post I wrote in the earlier days, which was quite a lengthy detail on the boy I liked (my reaction to this teasing can be found here) I then changed my blogging persona to Pen and Key and became selective with the people who read my blog, though many of my real life friends do have access to it. I was uncertain about telling my family about it; with two sisters in their twenties, they're quite happy to go on about the things I should and shouldn't be doing on the internet. However, they now both have the link to my blog if they ever want to look, as does my mum. Wanting to be a secret blogger isn't a bad thing, it's just handling it if it isn't the best kept secret in the world.
    Eve @ Pen and Key

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    1. After the first known instance of indirect confrontation about something I posted, I didn't handle it too amazingly well, and now I've learned my lesson. I've actually considered changing my blog name and having it completely secret, but then how would any of my current readers be able to find me? I guess I'll have to push through it and learn how to handle sticky situations if they ever arise again.

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  14. Loved this advice and I've always been more of an open blogger, just because I don't really share anything personal anyway, just reviews and outfit posts :)

    www.krystelcouture.com

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    1. Haha yeah. If it's all reviews and you're proud of your style and opinion, share away!

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  15. I've been blogging for four years and the only people who know are my family members, and I'm so thankful it's that way. If people from my friends group found out... I'm not sure what they'd think. So glad to know someone else out there agrees with secret blogging :)

    Molly Marie
    mollyslittlecorner.blogspot.com

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    1. I'm glad to know someone agrees too. I am a little sceptical about my family knowing, but I guess it is right that they know. Kinda. Or my mum would think I'm up to something no good on my laptop and find out anyway.

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  16. I have a blog for about 2 years now and the only people who know about it are the people I completely trust and love, and no i don't regret i told them

    http://vannieann.blogspot.com/

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    1. It's good that you've told the right people, and that the people who know can be trusted not to be a big mouth.

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  17. Some of my closest friends know about my blog but no one in my family. I try to write in code so they won't know it's about them, in case they would find it.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com


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    1. But that's the thing. Make the code too cryptic and your readers won't understand either. I never mentioned any names, but somehow the people I write about can still tell it's them.

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  18. I've been blogging since I was twelve and I never bothered telling anyone about my blog because I thought that they'd make fun of me and would think of me as a pretentious kid or a lameass being.
    But since last year, I decided, "Damn it," and started posting links to my blog or even shared screenshots of extracts of my posts to show them that I'm a blogger and I love writing about every thought that crosses my neurotic mind.
    It's a free world and I'm free enough to express my views!

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    1. It's a free world where we can express our views, yes. But sometimes it's better that some people don't see these views for their sake. If they didn't read my thoughts it would spare a lot of pain and angst on both ends.

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    2. That, also, is very true.

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  19. I know what you mean, then again I AM an anonymous blogger! But, I'm not totally top secret, one person (my closest and most best friend ever) knows. xoxo

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    1. I wish only the people who wouldn't tell or make a big deal out of everything knew. For me, some of my friendships would be benefitted by uncensored honesty, but for others it's just such an inconvenience I don't want to deal with.

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  20. I am totally a Secret Bloger... I cant help it, but I am very very shy to share my hobby with others... I am affraid they will laugh at me and I will get discouraged.... oh... I care about others mind too much probably....

    Have a good day!
    xoxo

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    1. Aw Anja. Blogging is cool. They wouldn't make fun of you about that at all. They'll probably love you writing and be interested, but it'll also make you feel judged so I guess it's better to keep it a secret.

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  21. I totally relate to this, is crazy and sometimes frustrating, but this also gives us the strength to be honest about everything! something that is hard in this days...

    Also I love this blog, your writing is awesome
    Mushroom rain blog

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    1. I guess the honesty is the part that can be seen as a positive. Now they know a little more about themselves I guess? Or a little more about what goes on inside my head? But is it too blatantly honest? Thanks Laura! I'm sure your blog is too ;) Checking it out now...

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  22. My blog used to be secret, but one of my friends discovered it, and well, she tells everyone about it. I am kind of glad she does though, because now I have some people who know about my hobby and I also get them reading it sometimes. It's interesting :3 But I do like the idea of being able to speak my mind on it, and I am very much more comfortable doing so behind my laptop screen. So you know what? Even though my friends might read the occasional post or my family might, I don't think about it and let the blog be my free space.

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    1. And that's how it should be. I think I've now calmed to the idea that people may be reading my posts, and speaking my mind behind a laptop screen has gone back to normal. We have to be careful what we share though. We still can't say anything we'll regret.

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  23. I started out as a secret blogger. Only my Dad knew and he is a great secret-keeper. But then I forgot about my blog and restarted after a year. I told my close-friends, a few people here and there but I've been very careful to avoid spotlight from my family. My mom and brother know, but neither of them check it out regularly. I want my blog to be away from my uncles and aunts and I don't know if that is a bad thing. I do want people from outside my little world to read and explore me though. I agree with your views completely.

    I LOVE YOUR BLOG! I love the way you write and express yourself. It's like you're talking to me and we're having a friendly conversation.
    Following you, right now. (And stalking) :D

    Love,
    Saee
    www.lifeisourownwonderland.blogspot.com

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    1. Aww thanks so much Saee.

      I wish my blog were away from my uncles and aunts, but sadly my mother can never be trusted. She's irritating like that. I've come to peace with my friends knowing though, and I guess it's all led to a better outcome - well not really but I can keep telling myself that. You seem to have the whole secret balance under control.

      I'm checking out your blog now too ;)

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  24. I'm a bit late on this, but saw the post in your list and had to comment!

    You have no idea how much reading this has helped clear my mind a bit more. I mentioned in one of my other comments that I would love to show my family my blog, but I just feel very awkward and shy whenever I think about doing so. My family is very close, they would enjoy knowing, and I feel guilty keeping it a secret - but you make some great points here, and reading all of the other comments has made me feel so much better about it. I *know* I would start censoring my posts if anyone I knew personally found my blog. Not because there's anything related to them, but simply because I'd feel too weird. It's frustrating, but maybe we all just need that one something that is ours and ours alone.

    I'm curious, though: How do you handle friendships made through blogging if you want your blog to be secret? I'm very reserved anyway and tend to settle for casual chitchat online, but it's tough because I'm used to sharing everything with my family. If they ask how I met someone, I tell them. The way I'm going about it now doesn't allow me to make personal friendships, and (though I know it's up to me, being my blog and all) I sometimes wonder if this way is compatible with blogging long-term.

    So sorry for the lengthy comment! lol. Thank you for sharing, M.

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    1. To be honest, my philosophy when it comes to blogging is that the blogging world and real life are completely separate (other than the fact that I literally blog about nothing but real life). Basically, making friends through blogging is just something I don't do, because that would mean online people would become part of my real world, and my parents would definitely be questioning how far I'd be taking this online thing. I guess if you do want to make friends through blogging and initiate them into your actual life, you'd have to tell your parents. I'm so glad you could relate to this post! I'm sure every blogger knows the decisions involved, as shown in all these helpful comments ^ x

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