Do you ever feel the urge to be like an ice queen? Unfeeling. Aloof. Disconnected. Or just a floater, oblivious and uncaring to the world around you, depending only on your inner thoughts. Is it like reaching your utmost point of being and self awareness, being completely centred.
I'm honestly so sick of the daily repetitions of life right now. I know school ends in two days, but could this week pass any slower? It's gotten to the point that I don't really care about anything anymore. It's a matter of showing up, being disconnected, and coming home again.
There's no more over thinking. There's no more analysing of every situation. I don't care what people do. I don't really care what the teacher is saying. I just want to go home. I just want life to change. I need variety to keep me connected to the world.
But do I want to be connected? Is it better to not focus on the little things, to not get upset over the little things? Shouldn't I try to be this uncaring all the time? Isn't it great being disconnected?
As soon as new people come into the picture, or something changes, the floater leaves and in enters the green eyed monster. It's exhausting and unnecessary and causes so much angst. I need to train myself to be an ice queen on the inside, permanently.
I reckon it's important to rely on yourself. It's important to realise that the relationships between others and what they do is none of your business. Unless someone involves you or you're able to involve yourself if you really want to, then why waste brain space on something?
Disconnect yourself from the world and spend time in your own mind. Let them talk without wanting to join in. Let yourself miss out on a few things. You need to stop needing them. You need to stop needing approval.
If you stop continuously thinking about what every single other person's thinking, and start focusing on your own thoughts, or this present moment, then wouldn't you be a happier person?
That's exactly it. Focus on the present moment, every moment. Focus on yourself in the moment and think, how can I make this moment more worthwhile? If it involves being productive, go be. If it involves joining that conversation, go join. Whatever it is, stop wondering what other people are doing and start wondering what you're doing.
Disconnect yourself from everything else and be self aware. Be centred. Be focused on the now and your experiences, because after all, they're what really matters in the end.