Wednesday, 4 March 2015

People Talking About People

Today a girl asked me, "Does * like me?"  I didn't know how to respond.  I knew for a fact that * didn't like her.  We'd had multiple conversations about this already.  But I couldn't exactly tell her that.

"She's like a gross person with a mental problem.  She just can't talk to people."

"Who do you think is the prettiest in our year?"

"Who do you think is the funniest"

"Pick your top 3."

"I don't think she'll be very good at tutoring.  I can't imagine sitting down with her for an hour."

"She's just always strange."

"She doesn't even really model.  She's just showing off photos her parents paid to have taken of her."

"They were kicked out of the team because no one liked them.  They were just kinda annoying."

"I don't usually hate people.  But I hate her.  It happened 2 years ago and she still won't shut up about it."

"I reckon H is going to be the dux.  I just don't think A or I will."

I know I've been part of conversations about pretty much everybody in our entire grade.  You probably have too.  We just can't stop.  We're always talking about each other, having "D&Ms".  I guess everyone thinks something of each person, and everyone must share their opinion at one stage.  Other people is an entertaining and sensitive topic, the only thing more sensitive to talk about being yourself, which we tend to avoid altogether when discussing who's the "smartest" or the "prettiest".

Sure, you have conversations about everything else under the sun, and what you say isn't necessarily mean, but sometimes I feel as if with different people all I talk about is... well.. different people.


But just wonder for a second, what are other people saying about you?  You must be mentioned in some of these "D&Ms" or casual conversations that you aren't part of.  Today we had a brief chat about this and we all basically asked, "Has anyone said anything about me?"  It's a daunting question that we all want the answer to, but are scared that we won't want at the same time.  The response was, "Oh yeah.  Someone said something about you, M.  I can't remember who but she said, 'I swear M hates me.'" 

Wait, I'm sorry, who do I hate?  I wasn't aware I hated anyone at the moment.  That's the thing.  Simple comments like these rile us up and immediately make us wonder, who?  And why?  Is my unease at talking to certain people, my shyness, making them think I dislike them?  Or is it that I actually dislike them?  Is it the girl I don't talk to as much in band?  The girl I seem to forget to say hi to?  Who!?  And why do I care?

And a small part of me wonders, am I important enough to actually have people discussing whether I like them or not...


But another thing is, even though we're discussing each other, a lot of the time we don't even give our real opinions.  We make one up for the sake of fitting in to the conversation.  Our perception on a person we don't even know very well can change simply from what we hear.  It's gossiping.  And it works.  Rumours are convincing.  There's always some truth to them, no matter how stupid you think they are.  They come from first hand accounts.  They came from somewhere.


Then, no matter what our opinion is, to their face we act differently.  It's not two faced.  It's simply a tactic to avoid conflict and havoc.  If we knew what everyone thought of us, the entire school would be at war.  She hates her?  Well they sit together in class and seem to be the best of friends.  She doesn't actually model?  Well you seem to be a very supportive listener when she talks about it.


We're all part of the same community, so we're all going to have an opinion on each other, and we're all going to act differently around each other.  And I think that's a good part of life and human behaviour.  I could give my opinion on every single person I know of, but I would never have the full story on any one person. I don't know them well enough.  I can't read their mind.  My opinion isn't the truth.  It's just my opinion.  That's all.  And the same goes for theirs' and anyone else's thoughts on any given person.

One of the facts thrown into our little chat today was that out of the 7 billion people on earth (I think there's actually 8 now but oh well) 2 billion won't like you.  That's 2 in 7 people.  And we're just going to have to deal with it.


Encounters and relationships with any given person are very important, no matter how distant they are, whether they're an acquaintance or someone you love.  Talk about people.  Think about people.  There's nothing wrong with discussing others.  Just remember to be honest or nice.  And remember that they may very well someday hear what you think.  And remember that opinions are different from the truth.  And remember that what other people talk about is none of your business.

Love,
M

28 comments:

  1. Lovely post, thanks for sharing <3

    I have a new post on the blog, would love to know your thoughts:

    * Electric Sunrise - Fashion and Lifestyle Blog *

    x

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    1. Thanks Helen <3 Your blog is great x

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  2. I adored this post. I hate gossiping, it's not nice to do but if it's a mean rumor, that's even worse. Go ask the person instead of gossiping about them. Wonderful post once again!

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    1. Thanks so much Noor! Honestly, I'm not saying gossiping is a good thing. I mean, we all know it's immoral and asking the person to their face could avoid a lot of pain, but sometimes we can't help it. And that's horrible, no matter how true.

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  3. Yes! I literally said the same thing just yesterday! Some people just feel bigger by making other smaller.

    Allie | RainyAllie

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    1. I agree, but we can't exactly avoid talking about other people. Making people feel small is always a terrible thing to do though.

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  4. I don't even want to know what people are saying about me. I remember that time when someone posted in a gossip forum saying I was an American Apparel campaign.

    / Avy
    http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com




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    1. None of us know what other people are saying about us. I wish we did, but at the same time I'm glad we don't for the exact reason portrayed by your example. They're untrue and make us self conscious. It's better to not care, right?

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  5. You know nobody will accept it boys also gossip.I'm pretty sure when I'm being gossiped about word crazy must be a part of conversation somewhere. :P

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    1. Hahaha. You must be crazy then if you're sure about it, because for people with compromised personalities like me, we have no idea what people could be saying about us. Do they care enough to say anything?

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  6. beautifully written x

    http://rubys-eyes.blogspot.com/

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  7. I sometimes find myself wandering what the people I consider friends actually think of me. If we're able to share our opinions on the other 900 and something students in my high school so openly. What would stop them from talking about me when I'm not there? I really began to question this today when this girl in my class was completley tearing her 'friend' to shreads behind her back but then acted as if nothing was wrong when she sat next to said friend. It's different with family though, you spend the majority of your life with your family so if there's things to be said, it's said to your face. I never worry about what my family thinks of me because they never hide their opinions from me. But other people, I just don't know. I loved this post so much M.

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    1. You're so right. Family is so straightforward, but you can never be sure about anyone else. Today, just after this girl went home, the entire group I was with began bitching about her. Oh she thinks she's so good at gymnastics. Oh she's said she's going to move since like forever, so finally she's going? Oh she needs to get over her new house. Honestly, I may agree with a lot of these points, and I may join into the conversations, but if people like me and them are willing to say these things, are people saying stuff behind my back too? I mean, there are always certain people talked badly about more than others, but occasionally bad stuff must be said about all the rest of us too. Thanks so much Stella!!

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  8. Eh, I hate it when people gossip. I've done it, and I hate it even more when I see it in me. At work I try to avoid the drama of it all. I find some other place to go or I've just gotten used to tuning out other people's conversations. Because like you said, it's just someone's opinion, they don't know what's really going on and often times it's not even their real opinion!

    There was this girl at work who was a part of a conversation with all the other co-workers.They were laughing and talking and seemingly having a good time. But immediately after she left- like she hadn't even walked away from the glass doors outside- the people she had been talking with started mocking her and calling her silly. The duplicity just really infuriated me. I wasn't even in the conversation. And honestly, she's not a very nice person. She talks about everybody behind their backs or even to their faces. She's one of those people who will do anything to be the center of attention. I don't really like people like that; I don't understand them. But at the same time, I have faults, those people laughing at her have faults. We all do things that make us "silly" or "strange" to other people. We don't know what she's been through and if people always make fun of her like that, then it's no wonder she's mean. I can tell she doesn't have many friends and I've tried being her friend. And from my efforts, I've begun to wonder if she even knows how to be sincere with other people or can know how to trust them. It makes me wonder the way other people have treated her so that she in turn treats other people poorly. It just makes me sad, really. The inhumane ways in which humans treat each other. It's this cycle of brokeness, and it won't stop until someone is brave enough to not react with the same way other people have treated them.

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    1. Ever since writing this post and reading comments like these I've begun to become more aware of the amount of conversations spent gossiping about other people, tearing them down behind their backs, even talking about the way in which we talk about people. I see it so much in me as well, but unlike you I don't seem to be doing anything to work against it. You're right that the way human beings treat each other is like a cycle of betrayal and hurt, but there's a beauty in this too. It's part of human nature, along with all the good things.

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  9. This is such a true post. I think all of us "gossip" sometimes, even though we don't mean to... I always try to remind myself to think about what I'm saying by using the acronym NICE-- is what I'm saying Necessary, Important, Considerate, and Encouraging?
    --Rebecca at The Silver Flute

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    1. I think I should start being "NICE" too. It's time to work on being less gossipy and more sincere. But I wonder, does being "NICE" and unwilling to gossip cause people to gossip about you?

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    2. Yeah, sometimes. I'm a quiet person most of the time and occasionally people forget I'm there and start talking about me. It stings a little, but it's satisfying to notice they don't have anything bad to say about me except that I'm "hopelessly goody-goody." :)
      --Rebecca at The Silver Flute

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  10. Gossip is a big thing where I work, but I think it is unavoidable, we work with the same people everyday of our lives and we have nothing else to talk about, so thats how gossip starts, it is petty and sad and I wish people would just say what they want to say to my face, but it doesn't work that way.
    Great post!

    Meme xx

    New Post out now:
    'Sisterhood Of The World Bloggers Award'
    http://thedayinthelifeofmexoxo.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. It really doesn't, and it really is unavoidable. A pool of people will always gossip about each other, and I guess it does make life more interesting.

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  11. I have to raise my hand and agree that sometimes I fall into the category of gossiping. I try my best not to, but it's a really hard thing to avoid doing. It's also a reason why some other high schools is my area are disliked, because everything built up is built of gossip and lies. It gets on my nerves.

    xoxo Morning

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    1. Yes!! Haha the other schools in my city all have reputations that, after knowing someone from the school, I know is probably only true to a certain group in their population, just like any other school. For example, people always say my school is full of snobs, and that just makes me embarrassed for what should be a good school for no reason.

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  12. This is such a great post! And I agree with you. What people gossip about us is none of our business. ;) and I do have to admit that I have my share of gossiping, and usually I feel guilty after awhile. And being bullied in highschool, man, I know what it feels like to be gossiped about.

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    1. Honestly, because it's so common, the guilt never comes. And that's bad because it really should. Since we know it's always going to happen, knowing it's none of our business is the only thing we can do ;) Thanks so much Maryam!!

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  13. Love this! I used to worry a lot about what people think of me and if they thought I was awkward or stupid. I was always afraid of rubbing people off the wrong way. It took me a long time to realize that I was worrying over nothing. I had to see that I could only be myself; I couldn't control what other people thought. Your posts are so thought provoking, M! Love them:)
    In Christ,
    Sarah

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    1. Thanks Sarah!! This comment is so true. I used to be that way too, and honestly, people don't actually care that much, and it doesn't matter what they think anyway. At least there's a chance they're thinking something if you speak up. Love this comment xx

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  14. So true! A lot of it is down to 'what people don't know can't hurt them'. I mean, I would much rather be completely oblivious to something being meaninglessly said about me, than be aware of it and feel terrible about it! Having said that, sometimes it's good to set someone on the straight and narrow if they've said something untrue and scandalous about you! Which, I personally, enjoy doing very much! xx

    Golden Ducklings

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