Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Just a Stupid Kid

I was meant to be posting about my happy little holiday today, but on the last night of said holiday I got so freakin mad.  And I guess I'm so unforgiving that I'm still not over it, even now.  It's not so much the argument itself, but it's more the issue of the complete and utter disrespect of children, which keeps coming up again and again in my family.  It's even more prominent here in Malaysia, around the culture and many relatives.  I see it everywhere, and I see all the disapproving looks shot at me, and I really wish their perception could just be set right.


The thing is, my mum and her siblings all left home for university at the age of 14 or 15.  It was a miserable way to gain their freedom, just being thrown out into the world, but they gained it all the same.  As a result, they never went through that transition period, where the parents slowly give their child more and more rights and freedom as they grow older.  They wouldn't understand what's happening.

On the night of the argument I was so pumped up with anger I wrote an extra long diary entry.  The writing's a little dodgy and reckless, and I'm going to need to censor out some hurtful parts, but I reckon a lot of what I said is true all the same.

 
Dear Diary,

Lesson of the day... Adults are just as bad as kids, if not worse.  Honestly, something I've learnt in life is that to be respected, you need to give some respect, and they obviously don't understand that.  I get that traditional Malaysian families are all for kids being seen and not heard, with no rights whatsoever, but guess what?  You send your kid to an international school, or you live internationally, you deal with it.

Don't go making promises and breaking them, then denying them five minutes later.  Just because we're young doesn't mean we're stupid.  Yeah.  I get that I've lost my temper and gone overboard, but you know what?  We need parental permission from people who are prone to saying no, and parents obviously don't have this problem.  Yet, they still manage to lose their tempers. 

They're obviously the authority, and we know that, but being in authority they could at least try to be good leaders.  I'm inheriting the yelling, and the answering back, because that's what I've been shown every day.  They go on about how disrespectful I am without looking at themselves and their complete and utter disrespect.  It's like a power play where they lose sight of what's just.

I wish a young person's independence were seen as a good thing rather than a rudeness.  I wish promises were acknowledged and rights were underlined.  Freedom and rights are granted in loads of families, but obviously not mine.  Now they're judging and complaining, even when I'm within earshot.  Arguments blow out of proportion from both sides, so why is mine to blame?  When I was the one talking calmly and they were the ones yelling, why am I seen as out of control?  I'm going to quote them right here, right now, so I never ever say these things to a kid, ever.

You're a kid.  I don't need to have any respect for you at all.

I don't care about your happiness.  I only care if the adults are happy.

I have every right to be rude to you, but you can't be rude to me.

I don't want to hear your voice.

Don't look at me.

I get that they care about us, and I get that they love us, but shelter doesn't build a person.  And disrespect doesn't build someone strong.  Rather than seeing a stupid young person, they should see a real human being with rights and thoughts just like them.  Maybe then we'll feel like worthy human beings too. 

These punishments they give us need reasons behind them other than parental temper tantrums.  They're rude, then I'll be rude back, and because they're so mad, they have power, and they have a childish urge to win, I'm punished.

Maybe I'm going about things the wrong way.  Maybe I need to be the one being respectful to get respect back.  But you see, these adults are so deluded they think anything I disagree with them about is disrespectful.  They think if I ask them for permission, they change their minds three times, and then I tell them they're being unfair because they already promised, I'm being disrespectful.  As long as I ask for something they don't want to give, I'm being disrespectful.  And if I don't want to give something to them, I'm being disrespectful.  If they didn't love me, I'd be their personal slave.

And while we were all after one simple goal, they're all still bickering like children.

M


The next morning, or yesterday, when we were driving home, I was eavesdropping on my mum and my aunty talking about us.  My mum said I was very strong willed, and I always answer back with my many many reasons, sometimes not listening or caring about what others want too.  Maybe I am like that.  Maybe all of us are a little spoilt.

But you know what?  Her siblings' children are growing up too.  And I can tell they're gonna be giving their parents hell.

Love,
M

36 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this personal thoughts... I hope things get better

    Candice | Beauty Candy Loves
    ♥ ♥ ♥

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    1. Thanks Candice. I hope so too xx

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  2. So I'm not the only one who feels like this at the moment. My extended make me feel like I can't do anything right and keep comparing me to my perfect cousin. Don't worry, these are only little family issues there are much worst

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    1. Yeah. Haha. I think a lot of people our age feel this way. Comparing to other kids always hurts, but I know it makes me more motivated to become a better person too. I think comparisons are just a constant in everyone's lives. You're right about there being way worse family issues though.

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  3. Hi M,

    Not everyone is perfect, adults make mistakes too. Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important to find a fair and rational way to compromise if you disagree on something.

    In any relationship, there's always a concept of give and take. Mutual respect from both parties is essential - someone has to give in to the other before the other one does the same. It's your decision if you'd like to be the first to give in as well. Cheer up. It may be a tough time, but you'll get through it.Take care.

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    1. Thanks Dian. We made a little progress the other day and my mum was actually so funny. She was like, I get that sometimes you're fighting for what's fair, but at least pretend to be a submissive kid in front of all the relatives. I reckon she has some respect for me, but in a culture and family like this, it's hard to have any mutual respect, whether you respect them first or not.

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  4. Your family seems pretty rude to you..
    Tegan xx - Permanent Procrastination

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    1. It's a culture. We can't fight it.

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  5. Sounds like a rough patch. I'm sincerely sorry that you don't get the respect you deserve, M. I wish I could offer solutions as to what to do, but I don't know how you could stress to the family that they're not listening to you.
    Really hoping things get better. Just hang in there. =)
    ~Adaline

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    1. Thanks Adaline. I reckon my parents do respect me, but sometimes they say rude things when they get really mad. I guess the Malaysian culture brings out the disrespect for the younger generation in them, so I'll just have to stick it out for a few weeks.

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  6. I know all about parents like this, I remember very well how things were with me back home before I was completely independent. Things will get better soon you will see. <3

    Paranoid Puppet

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you understand. I guess this time comes for everyone, as becoming independent will eventually come for me.

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  7. Everyone goes through rough patches, M-- it's completely normal, I should know. And hey, sometimes you feel like you want to punch the wall. But in the end, just know that all will be better x

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    1. Thanks Vanshi. I certainly hope it will before I actually punch a wall ;)

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  8. Hi, M. Thank you for sharing your diary! (If you need a good hiding spot- people never look behind photo frames :) Have you ever read the Diary of Anne Frank(the unabridged version)? Anne didn't get along with her family, especially being trapped with them in the secret attic. They thought she was too young to understand important things, but she did, and her writings became famous, not theirs. It's kinda therapeutic. I love reading it. Hang in there!

    ♥ laura ashley

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    1. Thanks Laura. Haha I never bother hiding my diary but maybe I should.. I've attempted reading the beginning of the Diary of Anne Frank, but I never got around to finishing it. This was over a year ago though. Since then I've gotten more interested in documentation and writing, so maybe I'll appreciate it more now, and maybe I'll relate a little as you said.

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  9. M! I know I JUST commented on this post but I saw a quote on a wall that reminded me of you-

    "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
    - E.E Cummings.

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    1. I actually really like that quote so thanks so much!! I'm adding it to my quotes list ;) Don't judge. Yes I have a quotes list...

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  10. Personally, I think that adults are just grown up kids who are just as confused as they were before. I know in some Asian cultures the hierarchy of age is really important, but I can see that it's sometimes corrupted. Respecting your elders is important, but respect must be mutual, and they should respect you as well. -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey's

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    1. Well said and too true Audrey.

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  11. *Pumps fist* Oh my gosh, how many times have I felt this exact way?! So much yes in this post. It's good to rant sometimes. And omg yes! They think we talk back to them about everything! I think parents today (especially ones with teens) need to take a step back, and think about how they felt when they were teens. I think if everyone had mutual respect, then the world would be a lot happier place.

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    1. Exactly! I mean, technically we are talking back, but they're talking back too. And talking to each other means we're having a conversation (possibly a yelling one) and that's how communication and mutual respect should work. My mum pretty much skipped from being a child to an adult, so there's not much to do with the relating there. But if they'd all show some respect, and we play our part and show some too, that would be perfect.

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  12. I totally get what you are saying. I had a bit of a fight with my mum the other day because she and I are both really strong willed and sometimes neither of us back down in a fight, but we always apologise. Sometimes fighting makes us who we are, it develops our character and we realise what we are in the worse times...
    But it will all get better. I promise <3 ❤️

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    1. Thanks Miss H. I get what you're saying. My mum and I have those continuous fights too, but as long as we somehow make up, it's still healthy.

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  13. Yes, yes, yes! That's the reason why one of my morals is to listen to people's ideas, as long as they are rational and considerate to the conversation and the people surrounding it. I just wish people can listen sometimes, rather than be closed off and shut off everything.

    xoxo Morning

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    1. Too true. But arguments go like that a lot, where the other person doesn't seem to see what you're saying. I guess everyone should just keep trying to listen.

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  14. M, I know exactly how you feel. I have 11 siblings and I'm right in the middle. I hope things will get better for you!

    DJwolf-Addy <3

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    1. Wow. 11 siblings. At least all of you can gang up on your parents, amirite? Or is that not how it works? Thanks Addy xx

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    2. Yup we do gang up on our parents :) (don't tell anyone...:) XD

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    3. Haha lucky girl ;) I want more siblings now!!

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  15. Awww, that's too bad your holidays were ruined :( I hope things change for you! It's so different where I live, as both parents and children have respect for each other. I guess I've been taking my rights and respect for granted because I never considered how in some places, kids and teenagers are not treated like their opinions matter. Thanks for sharing this! I'm glad you did, and I hope you can work an agreement out with your parents.
    - July, http://julyaemmance.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks July! You sure are lucky that your parents respect you from a young age. Here it's like the culture that parents always know what's right, and sure, it may work out for the better sometimes, but we also end up finding it difficult to be independent alone, and we don't live life as much. So I hope my parents have a sudden realisation soon.

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  16. I can relate to you as well.
    But at the end of the day, they're still our parents...they've done so much behind our backs for us. We all have flaws. If we're not perfect children, we can't expect them to be perfect as well.
    Stay strong M xx

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    1. Thanks Juney <3 You're right that they've always done so much for us, maybe too much, and they can't be perfect, but I think our Asian culture can be a little warped sometimes, and they do need to give us a little more respect as equals rather than perfect little pets.

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  17. I completely agree with your though, just because we are young we`re stupid, that certainly does not apply to us all.
    Great post, very insightful and thoughtful.

    http://dreamland1234.blogspot.com/

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    1. I'm glad you agree! Thanks Monika. We're so not "young and stupid". We have minds too!!

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