The thing is, my mum and her siblings all left home for university at the age of 14 or 15. It was a miserable way to gain their freedom, just being thrown out into the world, but they gained it all the same. As a result, they never went through that transition period, where the parents slowly give their child more and more rights and freedom as they grow older. They wouldn't understand what's happening.
On the night of the argument I was so pumped up with anger I wrote an extra long diary entry. The writing's a little dodgy and reckless, and I'm going to need to censor out some hurtful parts, but I reckon a lot of what I said is true all the same.
Lesson of the day... Adults are just as bad as kids, if not worse. Honestly, something I've learnt in life is that to be respected, you need to give some respect, and they obviously don't understand that. I get that traditional Malaysian families are all for kids being seen and not heard, with no rights whatsoever, but guess what? You send your kid to an international school, or you live internationally, you deal with it.
Don't go making promises and breaking them, then denying them five minutes later. Just because we're young doesn't mean we're stupid. Yeah. I get that I've lost my temper and gone overboard, but you know what? We need parental permission from people who are prone to saying no, and parents obviously don't have this problem. Yet, they still manage to lose their tempers.
They're obviously the authority, and we know that, but being in authority they could at least try to be good leaders. I'm inheriting the yelling, and the answering back, because that's what I've been shown every day. They go on about how disrespectful I am without looking at themselves and their complete and utter disrespect. It's like a power play where they lose sight of what's just.
I wish a young person's independence were seen as a good thing rather than a rudeness. I wish promises were acknowledged and rights were underlined. Freedom and rights are granted in loads of families, but obviously not mine. Now they're judging and complaining, even when I'm within earshot. Arguments blow out of proportion from both sides, so why is mine to blame? When I was the one talking calmly and they were the ones yelling, why am I seen as out of control? I'm going to quote them right here, right now, so I never ever say these things to a kid, ever.
You're a kid. I don't need to have any respect for you at all.
I don't care about your happiness. I only care if the adults are happy.
I have every right to be rude to you, but you can't be rude to me.
I don't want to hear your voice.
Don't look at me.
I get that they care about us, and I get that they love us, but shelter doesn't build a person. And disrespect doesn't build someone strong. Rather than seeing a stupid young person, they should see a real human being with rights and thoughts just like them. Maybe then we'll feel like worthy human beings too.
These punishments they give us need reasons behind them other than parental temper tantrums. They're rude, then I'll be rude back, and because they're so mad, they have power, and they have a childish urge to win, I'm punished.
Maybe I'm going about things the wrong way. Maybe I need to be the one being respectful to get respect back. But you see, these adults are so deluded they think anything I disagree with them about is disrespectful. They think if I ask them for permission, they change their minds three times, and then I tell them they're being unfair because they already promised, I'm being disrespectful. As long as I ask for something they don't want to give, I'm being disrespectful. And if I don't want to give something to them, I'm being disrespectful. If they didn't love me, I'd be their personal slave.
And while we were all after one simple goal, they're all still bickering like children.
The next morning, or yesterday, when we were driving home, I was eavesdropping on my mum and my aunty talking about us. My mum said I was very strong willed, and I always answer back with my many many reasons, sometimes not listening or caring about what others want too. Maybe I am like that. Maybe all of us are a little spoilt.
But you know what? Her siblings' children are growing up too. And I can tell they're gonna be giving their parents hell.