You know, it's not that significant. It's not that big an achievement. I've lived another year, the fifteenth one to be exact. That means I've done this 15 times. So why does everyone make such a big deal out of birthdays?
I mean, it's clearly nothing special. It's mid-afternoon and I'm not doing anything. I'm sitting here blogging on my laptop. Is today meant to be special? From what I've seen, most people have their birthday parties the weekend before, never on the actual day. They get wished happy birthday on instagram, or through text messages, or just anywhere on social media. They're not even the only ones having a birthday. I know I could name two people who are celebrating their birthday today too. One of them is dominating instagram, with multiple birthday posts just about her. The other is having her party tonight. It's her sweet sixteenth. But what about me?
Yesterday night I was having quite a bit of pre-birthday depression, which I know I'm too young for but anyway... I was rambling and being a downer, texting about how much I missed Dance Academy and how much I wanted to go back a year, back when 15 was a speck in the distance and Dance Academy hadn't ended. They told me to be happy. 15 is a year closer to independence, not a year older in your mid-thirties alone with a shit job. They told me that it doesn't matter what you do, you just have to be happy and with the people you love. It's a day that's normal, where you're just happier than usual.
I was worried because I'm getting older, and what if people don't wish me happy birthday? So being the anxious obsessive person I can be, about half an hour after midnight I decided to check my phone, and guess what? My notification bar was filled with texts and snap chats, all received around midnight. It was a good start to the fifteenth birthday.
And this morning I got some more, and they were all personal touching messages, not publicized, not fake, just the perfect messages from each person. I was ready to say that some people had changed since last year. That the girl who sent me that midnight text last year, completely forgot and couldn't be bothered this year. But I was wrong. At exactly midnight I got a birthday text, from her, the same as last year.
So maybe that's what my actual birthday celebration is like. I won't be the one with the publicized instagram hoard (although I did get my bunch of instagram notifications), I won't be having a party tonight (although maybe I could have a sleepover next year). Instead I get the sweetest personal messages. I get the midnight texts, the long personal wishes and the funny little snap chats filled with hearts. But I shouldn't compare what I get to others anyway. What I get is what I get, and it's pretty much perfect. You know, not comparing should be a new thing for my 15 year old self. I've got to stop comparing, because it always ruins my mood without even knowing the whole story.
Looking back to my last birthday, it's funny to see how things have changed, or rather haven't that much. Tomorrow last year, one of my best friends was over. I remember her giving me a funny personal card and something to do with books. Nothing's changed there ;). And yesterday last year I went shopping with three of my other friends, and together they got me a cute little nail kit. The nail kit hasn't changed. One of them got me a new one this year. Honestly though, I can't see myself shopping with that exact same group again, but it is still possible. I'm still pretty good friends with all three of them, but now they don't seem to matter as much as they used to.
Another goal for my newly 15 year old self, stop caring about what people who don't matter do, and start only worrying about yourself and those close to you. Everyone else doesn't really matter. Who cares what they do or think? Be nice, but be indifferent.
Don't worry though you guys. I'm not spending my whole birthday doing nothing. Tonight I'm going out for dinner and to a dance concert, wearing a pretty dress of course. I'll make sure to take a nice little polaroid and not forget this time.
Now here's one of my childhood songs. It's completely irrelevant aside from the title. I won't be living that stereo-typical fifteen year old dream.