Friday, 26 December 2014

My Psychopathic Family

I don't know if all families are like this, or if it's just mine.  I feel as if all these people have some kind of mental disorder.  Maybe that's just how you feel once you know someone too well.  Maybe it's the side-effect of living with someone your whole life.


I don't know if it's wise to be blogging about this, but I really just want to type this out, and in some ways I hope my mum will find it and read it.  Maybe it'll give her some insight into what's happening in my head.

Okay, so since I'm on my mum, let's start with her.  Number one, she has some serious anger management issues.  Just tonight she locked me out of our hotel room and told me she'd break all my fingers while squeezing them as tight as she could.  If she were any stronger I think she'd actually break them.  It's moments like this when I get a little scared.  I know she must love me, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't hurt me in these moments of anger.  I'm not saying it's unprovoked either.  But what I do certainly shouldn't provoke this kind of reaction.  She can just get so mad that she becomes, I admit, psychotic.


Number two, she's sometimes a little slow or fast, or however you want to interpret it.  Basically, she doesn't quite understand things, but she still thinks she knows everything.  I don't know if it's because she literally can't comprehend what I'm saying, or if it's because she's trying to reply so fast that she doesn't listen to what I'm saying.  Either way, she doesn't get the point. and when I try to explain again she just blocks her ears and says she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.  As a result she thinks she's forever in the right, until she calms down a bit at least.  She certainly never says sorry, or says I'm right.


She's also a bit of a hypocrite, always telling me not to yell while she's yelling.  Telling me I can't always have the last word while having the last word.  It's frustrating but as I said, she never understands.

I could probably go on and on about the way she can't accept that we aren't available to do what she wants at this very moment, or how she vacuums every half an hour it seems, or the amount of disrespect she gives to us "kids".


But let's move on to my dad.  He definitely understands what I'm saying, but that doesn't make him understanding.  Most of the time he hears me and then outright disagrees.  Maybe he's right, but half the time he's just trying to achieve his own agenda.  If it's me complaining about my mum, he sides with her to avoid her wrath.  "Even if your mum is wrong, you should just agree with what she says" is something he's said often.  And the things he'll do to get on the computer, he seems to lose all reasoning.  To the point where he can physically try to remove my sister and I, and even if we're crying our eyes out, he'll simply ignore us.


He's also really loud and biased.  He's the one that talks to everybody, and his opinion becomes everybody's opinion.  He's like the mr popular of our family.  If he thinks I have a bad sense of direction, everybody thinks I do, and then continuously doubts me or makes jokes about it.  And every conversation I have with him, it's repeated to the extent that what was said isn't even recognisable anymore, and as usual it's the only version anybody hears.  Literally, if he asks me if I want to be a doctor, and I reply with a murmured yeah maybe, he'll tell everyone I'm interested in studying medicine now or something.


And then there's his strange obsession with my friends and my life.  I've rarely ever heard him talk of anything else.  It's as if he has nothing else in his life.  Every time he picks me up from a friend's house, he won't stop talking about them until the next pick up.  Everybody notices.  It's especially annoying because he doesn't know half my friends or anything about all of them, which leads to many untrue assumptions.


He also can't sit still.  He can't stop vying for attention.  He can't stop asking stupid questions he doesn't even want the answer of.  He can't just leave us alone.

And then there's my little sister... I guess she just seems a little weak. I think I'm the one that becomes psychopathic around her.  I can become so so mean, to the extent that later I become so ashamed, but not courageous enough to apologize.

The thing is, all her life she's been treated like a baby, so I guess she acts like one.  Lately I've noticed so many god qualities in her.  She's good with kids and I reckon she's prettier than I am.  But I have the feeling she doesn't recognise any of it.  She blindly believes whatever my mum tells her and can't see outside that range.  She's so cooped up she doesn't understand, and she's getting too old for that.  They need to let her out.

 

But maybe she's not as clueless as she seems.  Sure, her comebacks aren't even worth replying to, but her whole baby perception certainly gives her some leeway.  Apparently she can't carry bags.  Apparently she can't use a broom.  Apparently she can't be the one to get up, because she's 'younger'.  Apparently she can't take down the clothes even though she's my height.  Apparently when we fight, she's too weak to go up against me so she needs continuous back up.  I don't know if this is her plan, or it's just the perks of being weak.


My parents think she's kinder inside, more thoughtful.  I think she's just average.

And then there's me.  Maybe I'm the most psychotic of them all.  Maybe I really am cruel.  I've definitely inherited my mum's temper, which is the how our fights manage to get so out of hand.  I've inherited my dad's one track selfish mind, the way he understands bur doesn't care, his tendency to play up stories, and that way he tries to gain recognition for any success in a humble way, making a fool of himself whilst doing so.  It scares me a little, seeing these characteristics in myself, because I don't want them to become as ugly as I see them in my parents.  I don't want to keep them.

I know I'm a psychopath in a family of psychopaths, but there's always a way to become a little less psycho.



Love,
M

20 comments:

  1. I think every family is different in their own ways. This a beautiful way to express your emotions, M~

    {Oh, PS, Merry Christmas}

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    1. Yeah I think they are too. Thanks Vanshi. Haha Merry late Christmas and have a happy new year!!

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  2. I think every family is crazy in their own way. It's interesting to get an insight into someone else's family life. I'm the youngest and unfortunately I don't get away with anything,to be honest I think I get told off the most. Anyway, Merry Christmas, I hope you have an amazing new year.
    Stella :)

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    1. Ugh families. They definitely are. I'm glad you found this interesting and I'm not the only one with family issues. everybody seems to have them ;) I guess our families work differently, or maybe every kid thinks they're getting told off the most. Merry late Christmas to you too!! Have a happy new year Stella xx

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  3. It's good that you recognize the characteristics that you don't want to inherit, because they can teach you to be a better person. Take care, and have a wonderful holiday.

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    1. Thanks Ella! I think being able to see the characteristics in my parents gives me more incentive to become better too ;) Have a wonderful holiday yourself!

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  4. Seeing the good and the bad in your family isn't bad, and neither is getting your thoughts out. If I could rant everything on my blog in complete security that I won't get stick for it, I would. Do what you feel is right, blogger to blogger, I won't judge. Merry Christmas x

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    1. Thanks Eve. I don't think I'm in complete security, but one mantra is that the more people know, the easier things are. Communication is key, right? And I guess this is a warped way of communication while also getting the anger out. Merry late Christmas to you too xx

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  5. Merry Christmas :)
    http://blog017.blogspot.com/2014/12/merry-christmas-everyone.html

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  6. Let it out. And yes, EVERY family as their issues, like everyone said. When I am in situations where I am out-numered or someone is being unfair, I just don't get into conflict. I show no emotion whatsoever and get on with my day.
    But I'm saying that's a good thing to do. I would try and talk to them. Slowly...and with as little arguement as possible.
    Tell them how you feel and them you. If they don't care to understand or listen to you, then they're not worth it.

    Anyway, Merry Christmas!

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    1. I guess every family is different with completely different issues, right? I know in my family ignoring isn't an option, and calmly stating things only works 10% of the time. It's just an argumentative loud family... Ugh they're so tricky.

      Merry late Christmas to you too!!

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  7. Maybe you should sit everyone down in your family and just tell them how you feel. In a way, you may just be struggling with being the oldest. I went through I time when I thought I was getting pinned for absolutely everything because I was the oldest... but I guess its just because our parents love us and want us to do the best we can, they want us to be like them because they don't want to see us go in our own direction, we are their first child, and in a way, its scary for them. They want to do everything right, but they don't know how. Being a parent is pretty tough. Being a kid is pretty tough. But sometimes we just need to get it out. :)
    Hope you are feeling better <3
    Miss H

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    1. You're absolutely right about needing to let things out and communicate, but sitting a whole family down is so much harder than it looks if you're trying to avoid conflict. My parents are quite like that too I guess, harder on me because I'm the oldest. I guess being like this we let them overestimate us, and by the time we tell them we're not really that amazing it's too late. Being the kid really is tough, but thanks for showing me being a parent is pretty tough too.
      I am feeling better thanks Miss H <3

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    2. You may feel as if you are not amazing in their standards, but in every single possible way, we are amazing. The fact that we are still standing here is amazing. We are each different and unique in the most beautiful ways. And I think that's what kinda scares parents, we aren't like them... and being them is the only thing they have ever known. And being you is the only thing you've ever known. And that's absolutely fine... As Doctor Suess says "You are you, and that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you". And you are right about sitting everyone down, it can be hard (trust me, there are eight people in my family ;) ). But as Dr Suess also says "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".
      Hope this helps. :) Have fun during your holidays :D

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    3. Thanks Miss H. You give really good advice. And you're right about our parents not understanding because they've never experienced what we have. I know my parents lived in a completely different country with a completely different culture in a completely different time period, so I can't expect them to relate at all. Great quotes by the way xx. You have fun too

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    4. Hahaha thanks, I absolutely love Dr Suess, lol :D

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  8. Oh man that's pretty harsh about your mum saying she would break your fingers! That's not okay! My parents are divorced now, and I live with my mum and my sister, and it can be super hard sometimes. I don't know how my sister and I haven't gotten into a fist fight many times!
    My family get along a lot of the time, but I'll be moving out soon, (finally) so hopefully we all are a lot nicer to each other when we don't have to live so close together.
    Tegan xx - Permanent Procrastination

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    1. Haha you know what they say? My dream is to have a large loving family... who live in another city. ;) Yeah my mum gets pretty crazy when she's mad, but I guess I kinda do too. It's definitely not a good thing!! have fun moving out you lucky duck xx

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  9. I wish there was something I could say or do to help. That's a lot of hard stuff to have to live with. And I agree with Ella about it being good that you recognize the characteristics you don't want to inherit. That's definitely a step in the right direction towards conquering them. Love you. :)

    xx

    p.s. Happy new year! I hope 2015 is wonderful for you.

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