Friday, 17 October 2014

The Second Choice

She chooses to pair up with her rather than you.  They call your friend's name rather than your's.  She only comes to sit with you after her other friend leaves.  She says she's her best friend, not you.

Every single one of these scenarios has happened to me throughout my life.  I may be the third best friend, or the second best friend.  But I'm never really the best friend.

Sometimes in conversations, they'd rather be talking to someone else.  They make you feel like they'd rather be with those people over there.  In groups, they have more jokes with the other person, they don't laugh as much with you, talk as much with you.  You're second best to them.  And it hurts.



But if you think about it, you do that too.  I know I sometimes ditch a friend for another, choose someone over another, talk to someone more than another.  It's inevitable.  And I'm hurting someone else too, in return.

I feel as if I've ruined every 'first choice' chance I've had.  I've been too busy trying to make myself someone else's first choice, that I forget to realise that I may be making someone else a second choice.  And before I know it, I've become their second choice too.

It's like a cycle.  I feel hurt that I'm someone's second choice.  But at the same time someone feels hurt that they're my second choice.  And before I know it, I feel hurt that I'm their second choice.  Why do I always want what I can't have? 



And on those days where I'm tired and out of it, where I can't participate in jokes, where I just act dull... that's when I'm always a second choice, because nobody wants to hang out with the boring girl.  And sometimes I feel like that's all the time...

You have no idea how much it can hurt when someone says hi to your friend but not you.  Or when they don't wave or smile back to you.  Or when you call them, and they're too busy talking to acknowledge you.  And sometimes, when you say something like "Said hey to her but not me?", they say "Gosh, M.  I wasn't talking to you."  And I know they're joking, but it still hurts.



So try to acknowledge everyone.  Try to choose everyone.  Try not to ditch one for another.  Because being the second choice feels really shitty.

Love,
M

69 comments:

  1. Whoa, this amost made me cry- It's exact thing I was writing about three or four years ago, and by that time, I felt so bad and not important.
    Nicely written:)
    Would you like to follow each other?Let me know! :)
    PS I would appreciate it tons if you click sheinside.com link on my blog.

    Thank you,

    fashion-babel.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks? Haha yup. That was pretty much my mood today. Well, I'm glad to see you seem to have gotten over it. I'd love to follow each other!

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  2. M... Friendships work in such a way that you have to give compromises. You can't always expect to be people's " first " choices every single time. Besides.. there's nothing wrong with being " second" or " third " choices. Sometimes, its ok to let go of certain people. If you weren't meant to be eachother's first choice, concentrate on others.
    M, you're a great person, you shouldn't let any of this bother you!
    If people don't acknowledge you sometimes, it doesn't mean they're " ditching " you... They might be just having a bad day.
    June

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    1. Thanks J. I know I can't be everyone's first choice, but you know those days where you feel really unimportant because you've just been in a bad mood? Yeah, well I was having one of those. But it's okay now, And yeah, maybe I should think about what they must be thinking. Because I know everyone feels like the second choice sometimes, and everybody gets in those bad moods where they don't feel like talking, which is okay.

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  3. Really it hurts , it Happens with me many times and i can exactly understand that feeling :(
    By the way Great post :)
    you want to follow each other?
    follow me via gfc and i will follow u back for sure (gfc)

    xoxo
    www.Arbbeautyblog.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah. I think we all feel that way but in reality I reckon everyone is at certain times. Thanks Aruba! I'd love to follow each other. xx

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  4. Such a true post! Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Following you on bloglovin & GFC if you'd like to follow back! :)

    Chelsea
    Chowing Down by the Bay
    Bloglovin
    Pinterest
    Twitter
    Instagram

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks Chelsea! Such a true comment. I'd love to follow back :)

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  5. I know the feeling. I hate it when friends do this. It's especially bad when you come over to hang out with them, and the whole time they're just on their phone, Snapchatting and texting other people, not paying attention to the person right in front of them. Definitely my pet peeve. :P Hang in there.

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    1. True, but that person on their phone maaay sometimes be me. But you're right. I should definitely stop doing that. It's probably one of the reasons some people would rather not talk to me, because they think I'd rather talk to someone else.

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  6. Nice post
    thank for comment on my blog
    i've already follow you

    Www.miharujulie.com

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    1. No problem. Thanks so much Miharu xx

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  7. Very truly written.
    This reminds of that phase where I was not the victim but the culprit and that realisation? Was awful.
    Ever since then I have tried to make sure as you've well written to acknowledge everyone and not ditch somebody, intentionally at least. :)

    Sakshi | http://this-is-it-sg.blogspot.in/?m=1

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    1. That's very good of you Sakshi. I think at times we're all either the victim or the culprit. That's just how human behaviour and friendships work. We can all either be the culprit without knowing it, or the victim who is feeling a little down. I think everyone needs to learn to do what you've done. Thanks for this great comment Sakshi!! xx

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    2. Oh my pleasure :)
      I couldn't agree more! :)

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  8. So well written and so true. Great reminder to treat everyone how you want to be treated, the worlds just such a better place when we do. Sorry you feel that way though :( You seem like such a sweet, real girl with a great heart and its hard to imagine anyone not wanting to talk to you. I totally get how you feel though, I've been struggling with that feeling myself.

    With much love, Elizabeth
    http://whimsicalthoughtss.blogspot.com/

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    1. I completely agree that we should treat those how we want to be treated. Thanks Elizabeth <3 I was having a bad day but I reckon people do want to talk to me, but others don't. And sometimes those others make me feel sad, while I'm making the people who do want to talk to me sad. Haha do you follow? Because I think that's probably what's happening with you too.

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  9. Very well written and thought-provoking post :) have a great weekend!

    Camille xo

    www.cococami.blogspot.co.uk

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  10. wow this is really profound and relevant to my life. I realise that I am always feeling like this. It hurts when friends leave you out or just forget about you, when you originally thought you meant so much more to them. But it's opened my eyes to potentially me doing the same thing to others. We really have to think about our actions and it's great that your post reminded me of that :)
    __________________________________________________
    Hope you follow my blog ‘Heylinni’ at:
    http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/4923497
    Let me know if you do and want me to follow back!
    Us bloggers should support each other ^_^

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    1. Awh thanks Rachel. I'm glad it did. I'd love to follow your blog!! You seem like an awesome relatable person <3

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  11. If people ignore you, and if people don't say "hi" even if you are in the room, it means that those people are very stupid. Don't let stupid people make you feel uncomfortable. You are perfect the way you are!:)

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    1. Thanks for such a positive comment Ella! xx But these people probably aren't that stupid. I mean, I don't say hi to people either a lot of the time.

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  12. WOW - I was just browsing through & stumbled upon your lovely blog - It looks gorgeous and it has interesting posts that I can relate to. I'm now following you via gfc, Hope you check out my blog? keep in touch love x

    Benish | Feminist Reflections

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    1. Thanks Benish! Your blog is probably amazing too, so I'd love to follow you back xo

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  13. Thanks for following my blog
    i am also your follower now

    Keep in touch
    xoxo
    www.Arbbeautyblog.blogspot.com

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    1. No problem. Thanks so much Aruba! xoxo

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  14. This is such a heart-breaking-in-an-inspirational-kind-of-way text, and I'm so thankful that you've written this. I believe we've all been where you are, and I had many friends who told me that I was their first choice but made me felt like crap, so I guess it's better that people actually told you that you're not their first closest friend because otherwise, it would hurt even more and shake your trust towards those people. I also believe that you should first love yourself to love others and loved by others! Keep on smiling, your people will eventually find you :)

    http://roomxcv.blogspot.com | Room 95

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    1. No problem Eda. Thanks so much! xx No one's actually ever told me I'm their second choice, it's more that when I'm not having the best day, I feel as if I am. But yes, it's very true that we should love ourselves. Thanks for your motivation <3

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  15. I've just started reading your blog and I love what you post! :)
    Marissa Jamie : Faithfully, Marissa ♡

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    1. Thanks Marissa! I'm sure I'm going to love what you post too :)

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  16. Thanks for commenting on my blog, this is my first time to yours and love what you are posting. Feeling second is such a heartbreaking thing to go through, and I am sure almost everybody knows what it feels like. Thanks for sharing from your heart.
    Kelsi
    Messy Bits
    Bloglovin

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    1. Thanks Kelsi!! Yes. I'm sure everybody feels this way at times and I'm glad they can relate. xx

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  17. I felt like a second choice in quite a long part of my life, and yes, it felt crappy, in those 3-4 years, I had to get used to being alone all the time while those who I treat as my closest friends are with their first choices. But because of that I learned that someday you're going to find someone who will treat you as their first choice and will stick with you no matter what. That happened to me because after those dreadful years of being invisible, I was blessed with so much (real) friends.

    Wishing you'll find people who'll treat you as their fist choice too :)

    And thank you for you're sweet comment in my blog, followed you too so let's keep in touch *going to find you on twitter and talk to you* haha :)

    - architecturalf.blogspot.com

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    1. Well I'm glad you found some real first choice friends. :) I think I actually have some really amazing great friends who do view me as a first sort of choice too, but at times the second choice feeling just creeps in.

      No problem. Can't wait for that twitter conversation ;) haha

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  18. I know just what you mean :( Seems everyone's been through it some time or another, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less <3

    Would you like to follow each other? I've followed you.

    ~*Enter Now! An international kawaii giveaway on http://unicornsanctuary.blogspot.com~*

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    1. Yeah. That's very true Bea :( I'd love to follow you back! <3

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  19. I feel you... I've always felt that way.. and I always think that If I would even have my own best friend :( and that's really sad knowing your just the second choice or the Back Friend.. it really hurts when you can't relate to what they're talking about and just left you alone standing there...looking like shit but i also realized the one you said "I've been too busy trying to make myself someone else's first choice, that I forget to realise that I may be making someone else a second choice. And before I know it, I've become their second choice too." All I can say is your not alone M ! <3

    xox
    Molly
    http://www.corinnemolly.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Molly! I'm glad you can relate. Yeah those situations do feel really bad, but everyone feels that way, whether they're really a backup friend or not. <3

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  20. Though we might do that sometimes, I think true friends will always be there for you even when you have ignored them and mistreated them. Those are the ones all our attention should be spent on :)

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    1. Very good point Ryan ;) I completely agree

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  21. I know what you mean. I often feel this way too when I am at school because of popularity and I am in middle school where this is the most common. It sucks to be left for some.. :(

    Cathy // HELLO, CATHY

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    1. Aw. Don't worry. The more you grow up the more you'll realise popularity doesn't matter, and your closer friends do. Your friends will realise that too xx

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  22. This is a wonderful post! You are so right - we all tend to ignore what and who we already have and run after other people.

    http://everythingthatclicks.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks so much Rosh! I'm glad you agree xx

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  23. I can be really hard feeling like you are always the second choice. We all want to be the top pick sometimes.

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    1. Very true. But we have to overcome it, don't we...

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  24. Emm, had same feelings like u do, but what i realized is that sometimes I had bad approach, lack of social skills, so I'm guessing my bigest mistake was that I wanted badly and then I would somehow fucked it up and thought to myself oh I don't to deserve to have friends. I'm guessing the best thing to do is to focus on your life then trying to make someones else life by being their best friend. You are awesome once u feel that way ppl will want to be the part of your life. Check out my blog I deal with issues like that by connecting it with fashion www.majnira.com
    xx

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    1. Yeah. A lot of the reason I don't have friends in absolutely everybody is my lower confidence. So you're definitely right about concentrating on myself and letting the people come to me, or not. It's up to them. I'd love to check out your blog!!

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  25. it happened to me a lot but after years pass by I don't care about those people any more. Second best? I don't wanna be. I can be a good friend, and good friends form groups where we all feel good in

    Lyosha
    Inside and Outside Blog

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    1. oh yes, and following you now :)

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    2. Very true Lyosha. Thanks so much!! :)

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  26. Great Post! Follow each other on GFC, Google+, Twitter, facebook and Bloglovin? If yes, follow me and i follow back as soon as i see it. Let me know with a comment on my Blog

    Keep in Touch xx Rabea from germany
    http://www.rabeasbeautytipps.com/

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    1. I think I'm already following you on GFC, but I'd love to add Twitter and Bloglovin to that list :) xx

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  27. I haven't really thought about it that way before....thanks for posting!
    -Margie

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    1. Well, it's good that you now have ;) Thanks for commenting! xx

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  28. Thought-provoking topic with a good message at the end! Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself (as the Bible says haha). It's so hard in this world though because no one is perfect and we often are so selfish. We hurt others without a second thought and get mad at them when they tell us our feelings. The best thing you can really do is try to be the kind of friend that you would want-- then hopefully others will be attracted to those good qualities and start choosing you first! Not that it should really be a competition... I have had best friends who eventually choose others over me; it really hurt but I moved one and gradually gained other friends who cherish my friendship enough to put me first when I most need it.

    xx Debbie

    www.whatdoffydoes.com

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    1. Thanks Debbie! Margie is right.. well said ;) You're totally right! Start acting like a great friend, and you'll most likely get great friends.

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  29. Thanks for ur sweet comment on my blog..
    Nice post..
    From a NEW follower :)

    www.ananyatales.com

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    1. No problem! Thanks so much Ananya!! xx

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  30. I know that feeling very well to, being the second or even third choice :/
    This is so soo well written, so insightful, wish everyone would think like you,
    I completely agree with your conclusion.

    http://dreamland1234.blogspot.com/

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    1. Aw thanks. I'm glad you can relate and agree.

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  31. I understand what you mean about being someone's second choice. I suffer this as well, but then I don't mind too much because in my best friends group there is 4, and if we include close friends then there is 6. So yeah, sometimes we do choose someone over the other but ultimately we try to remember that we are all good friends in the end :)

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    1. Yeah. It is true that you really only need your group of close friends, and the rest of them can be however. Thanks for this comment. It's actually made me feel quite a bit better right now.

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  32. Agreed! Everybody's got enough love to spread around to include everyone. :)

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    1. I wish. It's a little impossible not to have at least somebody feeling second-choicy. But yes!! Still agreed!!!

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  33. Thanks M for dropping by my blog!!! Followed you on GFC and Bloglovin!! xx

    http://www.chocochipchic.blogspot.com/

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    1. No problem. Thanks for the follows! xx

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