I finished a book called The List by Siobhan Vivian, and it was a good book. It's about a high school with an annual tradition. Every year an anonymous list is printed, listing eight girls, two from each grade. One is announced as the prettiest, and one as the ugliest. I know this sounds completely shallow and stupid, but despite the extremities and the deluded reasoning, everything was so so true. All the different types of girls with their different points of views and intentions, it conveyed how we all think and feel and how we view beauty.
There's two sisters. One is smart but thinks she's ugly. The other is pretty but thinks she's dumb. The book still ends that way. She still thinks she's ugly. She still thinks she's dumb. Because that's how insecurities are. They hardly ever go away, even if they aren't true. The funny thing is, that both girls are a little envious of each other. They don't think the other is ugly or dumb at all. They don't see that flaw because it's not there.
Then there's another girl. The list calls her ugly. The list calls her a man. So what does her boyfriend think? He's embarrassed of course. He doesn't know what to do. He makes her feel ugly. And when people don't make you feel beautiful anymore, when they don't make your life better anymore, it's time to let them go, no matter how hard or sad you will feel.
There's a home-schooled girl, new to society. When she suddenly feels like she belongs, like she has friends, she wants to keep them. It doesn't matter that her mom is unhappy. She wants to belong to the group. She's nice and clueless, but all her "friends" start to find her weird. She doesn't really belong. They don't even care.
And what about the mean girl? She's only mean because she's beautiful on the outside. She can get away with it. Until she's tossed out because she's ugly on the inside. Replaced by the home-schooled loser. What does this do to her inner ugliness? Sometimes being alone sets your priorities straight. Even when your "friends" come back for you, sometimes it's better to turn away and be beautiful on the inside, as well as the outside.
Then there's the girl that tries to be ugly. She's making a statement. She's dissing her past where she tried to fit in but never could. But nobody cares about her statement. It's expected. She's not important. Nobody cares. Except for that one somebody. Sometimes you need to appreciate the people already in your life, who do notice and care for you, who think you're beautiful. Nobody else's opinion matters. They are too self-focused, probably never forming one anyway.
What happens when you're not good enough? You'll never be skinny enough, even when you look like a skeleton. You'll always be ugly, no matter how many people tell you you're beautiful. You'll never be like the perfect glossy girls in the magazines.
And then there's the ex-best friends. The pretty girl ditches the ugly girl, but did she do it for a good reason? The ugly girl made her feel so ugly. The ugly girl was ugly. The ugly girl read her diary. The ugly girl knew what she was doing. The ugly girl wrote the list. One girl was supposedly too busy flaunting her boyfriend, one was full of crap, one was used to teach her uppity sister a lesson. But what does the ugly girl know? What gives her the right to call all these people out? And the truth is, the ugly girl just wants to be liked. She's desperate for it. She's not making a statement. She's still trying to fit in.
The pretty girl is desperate to be liked too. She cares so so much about what people think of her. They define her beauty. Their opinions count. She must look the part for them. She must wear the sophisticated dress to show she's above high school. And when she decides to end the list, it's mostly for herself, because she's selfish.
Now scroll up and string the bold words together to make a sentence, because it's true. Hardly anyone cares enough to view you as beautiful or ugly. Everyone is too busy assessing themselves. Everyone's intentions are selfish. They want to make their life better, they want to make a statement to get people to notice them, they want to belong, they want to be prettier. And it's funny how so many people view their own beauty on how other people think of them, because the truth is, nobody really realises whether you're beautiful or ugly. They're not actually thinking about you at all.
So if you think you're ugly, you are. You're the only one that thinks so, but nobody else has really formed an opinion either. And if you think you're pretty, you are. It's your opinion that counts.
"That's how inside jokes usually are...Funny to those inside, annoying as shit to the rest of the world."