Thursday, 9 October 2014

Good Friend or Bad Friend?

What defines a good or bad friend?  Which one am I?

Friends are an important part of everyone's lives.  They're a source of belonging, support, fun.  They're meant to make your life better, to be someone you actually enjoy.  And sometimes, well sometimes, it's difficult to tell whether they're a good friend or not.  Sometimes you're friends with them out of habit.  And I'm afraid that that's why my friends are friends with me.

Lately I've realised that I haven't been the best of friends, and I'm not sure if I even fit into the good friends category anymore.  My friends haven't said anything, but that might just be because they're all definitely good friends.  They're the best friends a girl could ask for, and I'm afraid I'm not being a good friend in return.



I've realised that I'm awfully selfish.  I say a lot of stuff just about myself or my experiences, and sometimes I seem to forget to ask about theirs' or listen to them.  Now, I may be paranoid.  Maybe they're all talking about themselves too, and I'm being selfish and not even noticing.  But that's just as bad.  Sometimes I think I say things that are hurtful, but I don't realise they're hurtful until after I said it, because I'm too selfish to realise before.  My selfishness can't be making their experience around me fun.  In fact, I may just be the opposite of fun sometimes.

As for my friends, well they're not selfish at all.  They don't seem to care much about how pretty they are, how many friends they have, how well they're doing, or any of the other super shallow stuff I care about.  They seem to listen to everything and they've always got my back.  They're most definitely enjoyable to be around and, well, I think I've got to be more like them.  Selfishness is something I can try to change.



I've also been extremely stressful.  All my comments about how bored I am, and my pestering on plans to meet up.  I can only be making people stressed.  One of my friends definitely was, although she didn't seem to think it was my fault.  I think I am the one that made her stressed though.  I think I kept pestering until she started calling and complaining about how hard it is to make plans with certain people too.  She was completely understanding and completely relatable, but I'm the one that made her anxious, while she was sick with an ear infection might I add, and that makes me a bad friend.  Meeting up should be a fun thing that you do if you can, and I made the whole planning process into an ugly experience that was really not worth all that anxiety.



And when you plan while completely anxious and adrenaline filled, sometimes you can mess things up.

It went from a sleepover that was cancelled, to a pool thing that I couldn't get a ride to, to a shopping trip that I could.  All on the same day.

I did something awful and I feel really really bad.  It probably doesn't sound bad, but you have no idea how much something like this can hurt a person, especially a good friend. 

The girl who was meant to be having the pool thing but had to cancel it, she was at the mall.  The same one we were shopping at.  We had heard that she was there but we had just hoped that we wouldn't see her.  I didn't want her to see me and think the wrong thing.  I know I hadn't done anything wrong.  I just hadn't been able to get a ride to her's, and I had been able to the mall.  I wish I wasn't so worried and I were just a more honest person.

When we saw her mum I panicked.  I ran straight out of the shop and of course her mum saw.  Maybe she even saw.  Gosh I am the worst.  That is the worst thing I could do.  We did go back after to say hi, and she didn't ask about it.  She acted completely normal.  She was too nice to be confronting, because she's a good friend.  Later I did send her an apology and explanation text, which I really should have said to her face.  I really should have just not run away and said it on the spot.

It seems all is forgiven but I still feel so bad.  What if she's hurting?  What if she's mad?  What if she's too good a friend to say so?  And the selfish part of me is wondering what her mum thinks of me, whether I'll ever be invited to her house again.  Gosh I'm so selfish.  I'm a terrible person.



So I'm really sorry to all my friends for being like this.  Most of you probably aren't reading this, and I guess it's a good thing.  I'm too embarrassed to admit how horrible I've been sometimes, unlike some of you who are more honest and courageous, and I promise I'll try to improve.  Thanks for being the definition of good friends.

Love,
M

35 comments:

  1. Oh I know how it feels when you think you are a bad friend. But hey you are not the only selfish one around here. I am too. And if you look at it everyone is a bit selfish sometimes. You just have to acknowledge it and try to be better.

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    1. Thanks for this comment1 I think it's definitely true that everyone is a little selfish, and that does make me feel a little better, because that's me being selfish there. I will try to be better, and I'm glad you've told me to be.

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  2. I know that feeling when you catch yourself thinking something it may not be bad just little selfish and not really nice and you think no, i like this person why do I think this. But as I read on tumblr once the first thing that comes to your mind is something the society makes you think. The second one however shows what are you like inside.
    Xxx, Carade
    car-ade.blogspot.com

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    1. That's a lovely quote to have in mind. Thanks so much for sharing it! I guess it makes us all feel a little better about any selfish thoughts that are running through our heads, but it's definitely logical and very true.

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  3. Love this post :D

    Follow for follow? Let me know
    Kisses!
    Isa | Stoer & Sexy

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  4. Hey,
    You have a really lovely Blog! :) Would you like to support each other and follow via GFC?
    If yes tell me and i follow you back.

    Greetings from Germany
    www.sophias-fashion.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks! xx I'd love to follow!!

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  5. Don't overthink things, just be yourself, love your friends and let them love you back. It's normal to feel bad and guilty but in 5 years, these things won't matter!

    Corinne x
    www.skinnedcartree.com

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    1. That's a great frame of mind, to know that many things won't matter in 5 years. I do have the habit of overthinking things, and thanks for letting me know!

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  6. M, please please please don't ever feel like that!
    That's precisely what friends are for, they embrace both your weaknesses and strengths.
    Thank you for being my friend M:) Love yourself... because we love you even more<3

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    1. Awh. Thanks so much June!! See what I mean by I have the bestest friends? Love you too June!! Thanks for embracing some of my awful weaknesses <3

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  7. That's a relly great post! You should never feel like that, instead embrace everything positive and friends can be the most positive in your life <3
    xx Ama

    PHUCKITFASHION

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    1. Thanks for this lovely comment! I will definitely try to embrace everything positive, especially my friends.

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  8. It sounds like you have great friends and I reckon if they're still around you're not doing too badly yourself :) it's good that you're aware of your actions but other people most likely aren't reading that much into it!

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    1. Haha yeah you're probably right. People probably aren't reading into my actions this deeply. Thanks so much for making me feel better!

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  9. Thank you so much for following me! I followed you back :D

    xx
    isa | http://stoerensexy.blogspot.be

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    1. No problem. Thanks so much! :D

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  10. Friendship is so important! I love this post and your blog is so cute! I followed your blog and it would mean the world if you would follow mine back!

    fashionandbeautytalkz.blogspot.com.au/

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    1. Thanks Meg!! I hadn't even read this comment yet when I followed your blog just then, but I love your blog and I've followed you back too!!

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  11. Defining a friend itself is so difficult & a good friend or a bad friend
    depends totally on our perspective and the way see people. Amazing
    post this is & would you like to follow each other on GFC & Bloglovin? Keep in touch & lemme know!


    X
    http://subhamrai.blogspot.in/

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    1. Very true Subham Rai. I'd love to follow you.

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  12. I think I'm pretty selfish too.. I can def. relate to this post...

    Cathy // HELLO, CATHY

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    1. Haha yeah selfish people. Thanks Cathy. I'm glad you can.

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  13. Great posts! defining a friend is tough!

    Jennos Health.

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    1. Yeah. It is. Thanks Jenny! I'm checking out your blog now.

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  14. Wow ,great Post!

    Have a wonderful Weekend M ,big Hugs!

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    1. Thanks!! Hugs right back to you too <3

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  15. Replies
    1. Thanks Daisy. Sorry for the late reply. Can't wait to check out your blog.

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  16. Luv that pic of u on ur friend back but be careful u may break it!!

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    1. Yeah my friend's adorable ;) ;) But I hope I'm not fat enough to break it.

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  17. Replies
    1. we all u r?? Ilysm toooooo <3

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  18. Okay, let me be honest.
    You commented on my blog (A Bundle Of Contradictions) back in September and back then, I'd seen your blog but I'd never commented back because I hadn't actually read the content you'd written, except for the latest posts and your 'About Me' page!
    Even then, I was blown away by the amount of work you'd put into to make your blog the awesome place that it is.
    And now, all I can say is... whoa.
    I'm blown away, seriously. It's AMAZING! Keep up the GREAT WORK! When I was fourteen, I had no idea how to CREATE a new page for my blog.
    Keep up the great work!
    Stay awesome as ever! <3
    Much love,
    Archie from A Bundle Of Contradictions <3

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