A wet and gloomy day, perfect for feeling down. Today I went back to school with the usual classes, friends and after school activities. There was just this one thing bringing me down. In fact, it's been doing that since the term started. That's the thing about things that bother me. I grab hold of them and won't let go until they go away or I change my opinion completely.
I feel as if this friend is drifting away and there's nothing I can do about it. I've felt like this since the end of last term, but I thought the holidays would fix it and we'd be back to normal by now. It was actually alright in the holidays, better than now anyway. But then school came back.
At first I thought she had just changed a little, that she now talked less, that she now sent one word texts rather than paragraphs. That was until I realised that she was acting the same to everybody else, just not me. She still talks to everyone else, laughs with them. Just not me.
We used to be so much closer. Not best friends or anything, but I'd go to her house, we had sleepovers together, we went shopping together. I used to be comfortable talking to her, but now I'm not. Now everything is awkward. I don't know what to talk about anymore. We never laugh anymore. I don't know what happened. Now whenever she talks to others, goes out with others, I feel a pang because I realise we're not really friends anymore.
There's nothing I can do about it though. Believe me, I've tried. We're stuck in a stale mate. We're still in classes together but we don't walk between them together anymore. We still text but there are never any conversations anymore. We don't talk about anything.
The sad thing is that she probably doesn't realise it's happening. It's just me. I'm the one noticing that we never talk. I'm the one feeling hurt that I'm losing a friend. I just hope this won't continue until we're really not friends anymore. I hope this isn't a natural drifting away. It hurts, you know?
Until anything changes I guess I'll just be stuck. I can keep talking frequently, keep texting those one words, but nothing will change. I just have to deal with it and be grateful for all my other friends. Throughout life I will lose many more friends, and this may or may not be my first.
I'm sorry if I've depressed you. Who knew typing everything out could calm the mind so much?